This post is going to be a little different than what I have done lately. My heart is full right now and I just need to write today's experience down. I'm not sure why I decided it needed to be here, but here it is.
A little bit of back story first.
A little more than two years ago, I was sitting in the conference center, with my lovely roommates. As it was my freshman year, it was my first conference away from home. I was sitting in the balcony when President Monson announced that the age of eligibility for young men to serve a mission would now be 18, and young women could serve at 19. Those of whom were watching the conference session knew the buzz that immediately filled the conference center. But imagine the buzz that entered the hearts five 18 year old girls sitting together. That announcement was quickly the theme of every conversation that weekend, and pretty much the rest of that school year.
None of my siblings have served a mission and I wanted so desperately to go, serve the Lord, and give my parents the blessings of having a missionary they deserved.
I prayed about it, really wanting to know if I should go. And the Lord, as he always does, answered. With a no.
I was in shock. Why couldn't I go? What was wrong with me?
I'll have to admit it was hard to go to all of the mission call openings that I was invited to go to. But I went, living somewhat vicariously through my friends that were able to their calls.
Throughout the rest of the school year I ended up saying goodbye to around 80% of my ward who answered the prophet's request for more missionaries. Including three of my roommates.
Since that time, I've continued on at BYU. I realized that I needed to finish school and to continue on my dream to become an occupational therapist and adaptive sports coach. I graduate in April from BYU and last week turned in my applications for occupational therapy.
Also the other two of my freshman roommates got married. I couldn't be happier for them.
But at the same time I had this feeling that I hadn't accomplished anything because I hadn't completed the "Mormon" things to do as a young adult, serve a mission or get married. I tried to not let it get to me, but it was always in the back of my mind.
Well my friends from my freshman ward are starting to come home now. The feelings I had during my freshman year of feeling inadequate for being told I wasn't to go on a mission started to resurface. I was the last one to do something, so to speak, from my freshman dorm. Most of my childhood friends are on missions, and are starting to come home. And I sat there in my room feeling like I had nothing to show for what I did when they were gone, that I had done nothing while they were out serving the Lord.
That was when I had a much needed tender mercy.
This semester I am hardly ever on campus. Most of my classes are in the Smith Field House which is just below main part of campus. My religion classes even have to contained to the southwestern most part of campus.
Last night I found a letter in my mailbox, that had sat for at least a week, from one of my friends on a mission. She comes home next week and I wanted to send her one last letter before she came home. I quickly rushed to write a response and get it ready to send to her today. I figured if it went into the mail today before collection, there was a possibility that she would get it before she was released. Due to the circumstances of the day, that meant that I needed to walk up to the bookstore post office after class.
While I was there, I walked past the art that they sell in the basement. I had the thought to stop and take a peak to see if I could add to my Christmas present for my niece this year. Instead of finding a picture for my niece, I found this:
Photo by: Doc Christensen. Found on this website.
Since I was 16 I have had the dream to work with the physically disabled, and help them participate in sports. I want to help them learn that even though their life is different from that of abled bodied people, they can still do many of the same things. I want to help them learn to control and overcome their bodies that don't function properly. Most people who know me, know this has been my dream. What they don't know is that when I meet people with disabilities, I immediately dream of this exact moment this picture depicts. I imagine them meeting the Savior and him healing their bodies. I long for the day when they will be resurrected and made whole. As much as I want them to live a full life with the body they have been blessed with, I can't wait for this moment for them.
So imagine how much this picture tugged on my heart strings. I pictured almost every person, especially the children, I have met during my various activities in that boy's spot. It reaffirmed my dream to become an occupational therapist and to bring the Savior's love and light to each of his sweet spirits he blessed with a deformed body.
I told my mom about the picture and how I wanted to give it to the therapist I have been job shadowing that past couple of weeks. That picture summed up to me why occupational therapy existed. I wanted to share that with the therapist who had been sharing some of those experiences with me lately.
My mom, being the amazing woman she is, called the bookstore and ordered two copies. One for him and one for me. Because it meant that much to me.
On my way to back to the bookstore to pick up those pictures, the feelings I had been feeling lately about missions mixed with the feelings I was experiencing about occupational therapy.
All of the sudden it all made sense.
Due to when I took certain classes, if I had gone on a mission, my graduation would have been delayed even more than just the regular mission delay. The schools I have applied to have time constraints on some prerequisite classes and I would have broken them by taking 18 months off. That meant I would have had to take them over again. OT school would have been delayed for quite a few years if I had served. Even though I was willing to make that sacrifice, Heavenly Father wasn't. My mission was not to be with a name tag and scriptures. My mission was to serve him through Occupational Therapy.
Yes, I would have served and touched a few people's lives if I had served. But that would have delayed the service I need to render to my future patients and athletes. My talents are needed elsewhere.
So why share all of that on this blog? There are three lessons that I've pulled out of this, besides the tender mercy of finding out what my mission truly is.
1) Sometimes the answer is no, but for a way good reason. The problem with mortality is we can only see what is right in front of us. We are not aware of all of the moving pieces in Heavenly Father's plan. But He knows. He knows us individually. He knows what our talents and who needs that specific talent in their lives. We are asked to do hard things, like go on a mission, move across the country, or stay right where we are. Because He has a plan. He has people he needs us to serve, and He knows who we need to serve us. So the answer might not be what you want it to be. But trust that answer to be better than what you want.
2) Heavenly Father knows your thoughts and feelings. He knew the adversary was starting to work on me. He was aware that I was starting to feel inadequate. So He put things in my path so that the events of today would happen. He wanted me to put them away and go out and serve him. It may not have been what I imagined, but I am so happy to do what I am asked to do. So if you're feeling alone, know that He is there, knowing exactly what you are thinking and feeling.
3) We all have personal and divine missions to fulfill on this earth. This has been something that has been emphasized in my life since the mission announcement was made, but it has finally and fully clicked. There is something that I am supposed to do with occupational therapy that I could not do if I had served a mission. I don't understand that statement now, but one day it will make sense. But He gives us certain tasks and shapes our life so that we can fulfill our divine potential. Ours is the responsibility to respond to the call, and do all we can to do fulfill our callings.
It has been said that no one can stop the work of the Lord. He has a larger plan for each of us that we would have never imagined for ourselves. And it is a great work. So stop questioning what his plans are, and "trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6).
