"By Small and Simple Things..."

I recently moved to Boston. (Yay!) To start Occupational Therapy school. (Finally!) Which is why I have been radio silence for the past few weeks. This semester we only have a two classes. One of which is anatomy, including a cadaver lab. 

This anatomy class was not the only one I have taken in my life. I took many classes while working towards my associate's degree where I had to know the muscle attachments and their actions, alongside the traditional anatomy classes. At BYU, I took an functional musculoskeletal anatomy class where we had to know anatomy inside and out. I thought I had all of the spiritual insight about the human body I could possibly get. I mean, I went to BYU, I learned from LDS professors about how amazing the human body is. They understand it is an amazing gift from Heavenly Father, so what more could I possibly learn? Welp, that's what I get for thinking.

In class the other day, my teacher was discussing the brachial plexus. Which is a nerve complex that comes from the lower neck out to innervate the muscles in the shoulder, elbow, wrist and hands. My teacher was trying to explain to us how the nerves come from the spinal cord, and she goes off on a slight tangent. She said that the spinal cord is really small and boring when you look at it on a cadaver. It's just this white thing that isn't very big. Same with the brain. When the class started to comment on how that is weird, she commented that she was expecting large flashing neon lights to point out the spinal cord, and was disappointed that it what just this tiny little cord. The class laughed and we moved on. 

But then a scripture mastery verse came to mind. "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass... And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes... and bringeth about the salvation of many souls" (Alma 37:6-7). 

Our body parts did not come with big, flashy, neon colors to say "Look at me! I'm a spinal cord!" or "Check out what I can do!" For one thing that would make anatomy class way too easy. Not to mention how uncomfortable would that be to have sticking out of our backs?

The jobs of the brain and spinal cord are incredible. They are what makes the whole rest of our body function properly. Our nerves are what makes our muscles move! But when you look at them inside the body, they are just these small, white pieces of tissue. They aren't that impressive to look at, but so incredible when we begin to understand all that they do.

This is just one example of small and simple things that Heavenly Father uses to accomplish his purposes. How many times do we pray for an answer or a testimony, demanding this big huge event to occur so that we can understand and believe? I mean it happened to Joseph Smith and other prophets. We've know that miracles happen. We hear those stories all the time in sacrament meeting, so isn't that supposed to happen when we ask for an answer? 

The prophet Elijah, a prophet who did a great number of things in his life, had this experience:

"And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the  Lord was not in the windL and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice. And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out" (1 Kings 19:11-13)

The end of this story is Elijah is told to call Elisha to be the next prophet. Not by an earth shattering voice was Elisha, another great prophet, called. Not an earth consuming fire. But by the still small voice.

Yes, there are times that the Lord uses big grand gestures. Those a big deal events for the world. Usually done to get the ignorant and prideful attention of the people who have blatantly turned away from him. But if you search the scriptures, it is not the big events that stick. Laman and Lemuel saw an angel. But they still feared Laban more than God. The Jews saw the miracle after miracle done by the Savior. Still the crucified Him. Huge events aren't what makes testimonies.

But what about Alma the Younger or Saul on the road to Damascus? Both made huge turn arounds after having an angel come to them and condemn their actions. This is what Alma said to his son how he gained a testimony:

"Do ye not suppose that I know of theses things myself? Behold, I testify unto you that I do know that these things whereof I have spoken are true. And how do ye suppose that I know of their surety? Behold, I say unto you they are made known unto me by the Holy Spirit of God. Behold, I have fasted and prayed many days that I might know these things of myself. And now I do know of myself that they are true; for the Lord God hath made them manifest unto me by his Holy Spirit; and this is the spirit of revelation which is in me" (Alma 5:45-46)

The angel didn't come to Alma, rack him with torment, and then when he finally turned to Christ, he suddenly have this huge testimony. Nope. He got it the same way that you and I receive our testimonies. By trying the word. Praying about principles. Fasting for answers. And acting on the knowledge that he received through the Holy Ghost. It is through doing the small things that we receive testimonies, make a huge difference in another person's life, and return back to live with the Father and Christ. As much as we want the big things to happen, how can they if we don't lay the foundation? How can we have a miraculous healing, if we first don't have the faith that it can happen? How can we run, if we don't first learn to sit up on our own?

Sure. It would be super cool if our spinal cords and brain were neon and stood out really well. It does some super cool things. But it is not necessary. What is necessary is to have a small control center so that we can do the big and little things while living comfortably. It is not necessary that God strikes every sinner down, or appear to every person wanting to know the truth. That does not build faith. Just as a neon spinal cord does not enhance our movements. It is when we are willing to take a step into the dark that we receive light. A small step may be what we need to start us down the path to eternal life.

BYU did NOT prepare me for my career

A week and a half ago, I graduated from BYU

I will be forever grateful for all that I have gained from receiving a BYU education. When people not of my faith would ask me why I chose BYU when I grew up in an area full of universities, I would give some explanation regarding cost and how BYU was cheaper in tuition and housing than just in state tuition and living at home. But that isn't the real reason why I chose there. When I set foot on campus as a freshman in high school, I immediately knew that this school was different and special. I felt drawn to it. Instead of my senses being bombarded by cigarette smoke and curse words, I felt peace and serenity. I didn't even have to sit in on a class to know that this school was the one for me. I knew I was going to have to work hard to get in and work hard while attending but I knew it was worth it. 

And it was. There were experiences and educational opportunities given to me at BYU that I would have no other place. With that being said, BYU did not prepare me for my future career. Some might be able to walk out of a university graduation and into their chosen field. That is not me. Occupational therapy asks for a graduate degree, and so that is what I am about to go earn. BYU doesn't have an Occupational Therapy program, and so my BYU educational experience did not prepare me to be an Occupational Therapist. But that is okay. I knew that was going to be the case. I didn't go to BYU to become an Occupational Therapist. I knew BYU could prepare me for so much more.

BYU prepared me for Occupational Therapy school

So I'm not ready to enter the work force as an occupational therapist. That's ok. I am prepared to enter occupational therapy school, in a program that is almost unmatched in its curriculum plan. Throughout my major, I studied the ethical dilemmas that face an occupational therapist. So when these problems arise in my clinicals, I will not only have the education to know how to handle it, I will have the decisions made beforehand as to how I would react. I have an understanding of the nerves work. Which is highly important because those are the exact skills I will be working with. My point is, as long as you do the research on majors, BYU's undergraduate education prepares students to go on professional schools, if they so choose.

I was spiritually prepared for sacred covenants

I basically walked out of the middle of my convocation and walked into the temple to receive my endowment. Ok there was stuff in between but that is pretty much what I felt like what happened. Throughout the session I never once felt out of place or that what was happening was weird. I felt completely like I came home and that I had been there before. Much of that can be attributed to the religious education that I was given at BYU. In my family history class, we spent the last two weeks talking about the history of the endowment, what goes on in the endowment and why we have it. In my Old Testament classes, we talked a lot about ancient temples and worship and how it relates to our times. My church history teacher taught us the history of the current endowment, how it came to be and how it has since been changed. I walked into the temple knowing what I was getting into (as much as I could). I wouldn't have had that ability if I had merely gone to institute and temple prep.

I learned how to put religion and secular education together

At BYU what I learned in my physics class was applied in my Old Testament class when we discussed the creation. My chemistry teacher flat out told us that his class was a religion class, not a science class (What he didn't include in that statement that we had to rely on our ability to pray to pass his tests, rather than our ability to learn.). Our discussion of trials in my Book of Mormon class had application in my basic athletic training class discussion on the principle of overload and adaptation. My Old Testament teacher was able to put a life metaphor to what I was learning in my ceramics class (that's a whole different blog post). Nearly every class, religion or not, started with a prayer. BYU didn't teach me I either had to have science or religion. BYU used science to prove religion, and religion to further scientific application. That is an education you would not be able to get anywhere else.

I was prepared to serve my fellow man

BYU's classic sign says "Enter to Learn, Go Forth to Serve." I will admit that I did not serve as much as BYU as I should have or could have. The only time I was involved with a service organization was for the blue foam slide, and it was so I could have unlimited runs after the crowd was gone. But I had many church leaders that taught me how to serve in the church. My teachers showed me what it was like to be understanding and accommodating to other's needs. I learned how I could serve in little ways, reaching out to the one with little recognition over the large recognition and not making much of a difference. My chosen field is a service field. I will be able to combine the education on service I had, inside and outside the classroom, at BYU with the OT education in graduate school to best serve my fellow man.

So BYU did not prepare me to sit for the licensing test to become an occupational therapist. No undergraduate degree would have. It requires a masters or better. BYU was not my chosen school because it would make me a better OT. That is a side benefit. I chose BYU because it would make me a better person and prepare me for my life. I feel like I can be of better service to my fellow man and to my Father in Heaven because of my BYU education. Is BYU perfect? Nope. But there isn't a university that is, except the temple. But I am forever a better person because of my BYU educational experience.

Miracles Take Time...and Work

I have been thinking a lot about miracles today and I had a thought that I hadn't had before.

This week I found out that I was accepted into occupational therapy school. As you can imagine, I am incredibly excited to start this new adventure. Throughout the application process, the observation hours, the interviews and now the preparations to go I have been thinking a lot about what it will be like to actually be an occupational therapist. In a previous post, I talked about how I realized that it is my mission from the Lord. And this week I have come one step closer to being able to "enter the mission field" so to speak. 

So what does OT have to do with my new perspective on miracles?

Today in Sunday school we were talking about burdens and how the Savior can make them light. The context that we were discussing these burdens had to do with following all of the rules that the Pharisees had put on the people in order to keep the Law of Moses. We then read examples of the Savior healing on the Sabbath day and the Pharisees were trying to point out that he was doing wrong. In their eyes no work was to be done on the Sabbath, no matter the intentions and good that it could accomplish. 

While this discussion was going on, my mind went off into another direction. 

I thought of all of the "famous" miracles. You know, the ones that we always talk about because they are so cool. The woman with the issue of blood being healed by touching the Savior's cloak. The parting of the Red Sea. Alma the Younger and the sons of Mosiah seeing an angel and having a miraculous change of heart. The raising of the dead. The Day of Miracles in Nauvoo when all of the saints were sick with malaria. 

This one is my personal favorite to read about:

Why are they so cool?

The instantaneous change that was experienced. Faith was tested. Results happened instantly. Results that could not be replicated by anyone else without proper priesthood authority and authorization.

Then I thought of a discussion I had had with one of my friends who just got off of a mission. I was telling her about how I had felt that occupational therapy was my mission. She told me about in a class she was auditing on health professions, an occupational therapist had come in a talked about the profession. She told me that the therapist loved her job because she got to be the hands to the Savior daily. She gets to spread his healing to her patients.

When I recalled this, I thought "But therapy takes time to see results. The Savior's miracles happened right away. How is it that I will get to be the Savior's healing hands when I won't be able to get instant results?"

Then I remembered other, less famous, miracles. Naaman, an Assyrian, was healed of leprosy only after he washed in the river Jordan seven times (2 Kings 5). It took Nephi and his brothers three tries to get the brass plates from the wicked Laban (1 Nephi 3-4). The Apostle Peter went from weak faith to leader of the church. Not in one day, week or month. But it took learning at the Savior's feet for 3 years and then months after the Savior was resurrected. The Book of Mormon and Bible were not translated in a couple of days. Even some of the Savior's miracles took actions and stages: 

(The miracle is over at 3:40)

Was faith tested in these miracles? Definitely. But they also took time and work for the miracles to be fully complete. 

We live in a time when everything happens instantly. It takes me longer to tie my shoes that it does to look up the weather forecast in Tahiti. We are so easily caught up in the moment. You know how the cheer goes." What do we want?" (Insert want here)" When do we want it?" "Now!"

 That is how society lives their lives. 

Yes, instantaneous miracles do occur. The miracles recorded in the scriptures teach us that. I have had  priesthood blessings of healing that the healing took place as soon the hands were placed on my head. It can happen that way if the Lord wills it.

On the other hand, I have had other blessings of healing (for a similar issue and other problems), that took hours, days or years to come true. I had to place my trust in my Father in Heaven, and completely turn my will over to him in order for that answer to come. 

Repentance doesn't happen in one day. Conversion does not come with a single spiritual experience. Healing (physically, spiritually or emotionally) does not come with a single treatment. 

It takes the effort of restoring all that was done wrong and never returning to that sin to be forgiven. It takes daily spiritual experiences to make the conversion stick. It takes continuous prayer, rehabilitative work and fighting the urge to give up that healing is brought about. 

It is my testimony that prayers are heard and answered. All of God's promises come true. I know that He has a plan for each of us. Sometimes the instant reward is what we need. But more often than not, it is the learning how to work towards our goal of receiving the desired blessings is what we need. It is through our work, patience and diligence that molds us into the people that are worthy of those blessings. They may not come today, next month, in five years, or even in this life. But I promise, they do come.

For further study:

Miracles- Then and Now by Thomas S. Monson November 1992

The Miracle I Needed- New Era February 2010

Lessons from King David

One of my classes this semester is the second half to the Old Testament. It is a continuation of the class I took last semester. 

There is some overlap between the two, in order to give proper background to students who didn't take the first half. Our reading a few weeks ago was the story of how King David came to power and his victories and falls during his kingship. Reading this reminded me of how we ended the class, and the thoughts that I had as the semester was ending.

David was chosen over all of his strapping older brothers to be anointed as King. He defeated a 9 foot giant with a sling and divine help. He forgave Saul multiple times for attempting to take his life. He unified a disjointed and separated Israel. He wept for his enemies. 

David was an amazing man. No wonder the Lord selected him to lead Israel. David was loved by the Lord. David put the Lord first in his decisions and relationships. The Lord adored him and blessed him for his goodness.

But then he stumbled. He should have been with his armies in battle. He should have looked away from Bathsheba on the roof. He should have, he should have. I can sit here and list all of the things that he could have done or should have done. Let's be real here. David may have been an amazing man with a good relationship with the Lord. But he was also human. He still was subject to temptations and in this instance, he succumbed to it. I can't say I haven't made mistakes and fallen to temptation. I can't say I wouldn't have made similar decisions in his situation. Basically, it isn't our place to judge his mistakes. But the story is there for us to learn from, so that we can avoid and learn from his mistakes.

Lesson 1: It doesn't matter how good you have been, temptations are going to come, and come on strong. We have to always be prepared to withstand them.

There are many times that I have wished that once I receive a certain level of righteousness, all of my temptations would go away. That's just not how it works. The more that we practice saying no, the more strong and subtle the temptations will become. Satan knows us, he knows our weaknesses and how to use them to make us falter.

But that doesn't mean that we should just succumb to them because it's inevitable. That isn't the case. There is an example of one who was able to overcome all temptation.
Mosiah 3:7 states: "He shall suffer temptations, and pain of body, hunger, thirst and fatigue, even more than man can suffer..."
He went through more temptations than what we will be able to go through, and he came out on the other side as the one perfect person to walk the earth. He knows how to overcome them. Studying his life and how he overcame the many temptations that came his way will help us learn the tools that he used.

One tool is one that we can use and should use it often is prayer. When he was in the Garden of Gethsemane, he prayed multiple times:
"Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me..."
He was in pain. He was tired. He didn't want to do what he was about to do. So much that he pleaded for another way. He was tempted to give up. But then he says the saving line:
"nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done."
He was humble enough to say, I will go through with it, if you want me to. I think the following verse tells us there was a little bit more to that prayer though.
"And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him" (Luke 22:42-44)
Whether or not he actually prayed for divine help, Heavenly Father knew that it was needed, and sent an angel to help him through it. The same can be with us. Whether it is through an actual angel, or someone on earth sent to help us, or just divine strength it doesn't matter. What matters is when we pray for strength to resist temptation, we will receive it.

1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us that we will not receive any temptation that is unique to us. And when we receive temptation, it is not what we can't handle, and there is a way for us to escape it.
Pretty cool, huh?
But how can we do that? Alma 13:28 gives us the answer:
"But that ye would humble yourselves before the Lord, and call on his holy name, and watch and pray continually, that ye may not be tempted above that which ye can bear, and thus be led by the Holy Spirit, becoming humble, meek, submissive, patient, full of love and all long suffering."

Keep a prayer in your heart to help you resist daily temptations. When something is really difficult to resist, say a quick, humble prayer, pleading for divine help and guidance. Ask to help know yourself, so that you can be aware of your weaknesses. This will help you to avoid tempting situations. If they are unavoidable, you can go into them with a protective prayer to strengthen you throughout the whole time you're subjected to the temptation. I personally have done this and testify that this works. But don't just take my word for it. Try it out for yourself and see how it turns out for you. If you do it will real intent, you will see for yourself that you can receive divine strength to avoid temptations.

And if worse comes to worse, and you need a last resort, there is always Amulek's approach.

Lesson 2: Consequences always come

After David committed adultery and then arranged the death of Uriah, there were some consequences that he faced. While he was alive, Bathsheba's first child was lost. Nathan, the prophet, promises a curse of evil into David's house. Then it came true, when things slowly began to fall apart. (See 2 Samuel 12)

To be honest, all of those things that David went through in the rest of his life, he could have handled without too much fuss. Yes, they were hard, but he came out alright. It is the spiritual consequences that proved to be too much.
D&C 132:29 tells us that from this mistake he lost his exaltation. It wasn't so much the adultery was the problem, even though that is a grave sin in and of itself.  David didn't follow the law that sanctified life. He had taken many lives before but it was in war, in the protection of his people, or righteously avenging lives. He had already displayed restraint when he spared Saul's life, even though his own was threatened by doing so. David knew that is was wrong to take Uriah's life, but still designed his death. Murder is one of the big three sins with God. So as a result of completing this act, he lost his exaltation.

D&C 130:20-21 tells us:
"There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated-
"And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated."
Logic follows that if blessings are set forth from heaven before the world was, punishments must have too.

In our world today, the common culture is to want to be able to do whatever we want, get whatever we want and suffer no consequences for it. Have an unplanned baby because you decided to have sex out of wedlock? Make abortion legal. Make poor business choices? Have the government bail you out. Don't want to work? Get yourself fired and have the government pay you to not work.

Look at what David did. He tried to do the same thing. He tried to do whatever he wanted, and once he got it, he couldn't handle the consequences. Then he tried to cover it up, only to make it worse. It simply does not work to try to slip out of the consequences that are bound to come.

Moral of the story: get the good consequences. Be righteous and receive the blessings in consequence to your actions. If you slip up, own up to it, repent and move on.
After seeing what happened to David, I will gladly take the world's judgments over God's judgments. I want to be able to live in the presence of God, even if I have to deal with scornful gazes of those around me.

Lesson 3: Forgiveness and love can be attained from the Lord, no matter what.

So David's life has shown us the bad that can come from our poor choices. But his life can also give us hope for when we do slip up.

David could have easily fell all the way down the slippery slope he was on, and just stayed at the bottom. But when Nathan brought to his attention just how serious of a sin he committed, he began the process of repenting and trying to get back to the Lord. He wasn't perfect before the even with Uriah, and he wasn't perfect after. However, he did all that he could to be righteous.

That is evidence in his psalms and in the mercy he tried to extend to his enemies. He praises the Lord, and continually prays for forgiveness, mercy and protection. And he receives it.
In Psalm 13, David tells the Lord, I know that I have done wrong and you have removed your spirit from me, but I trust in your mercy and salvation because all that you have done for me before.
He tried to be faithful again. He knew what the Lord could do and so he trusted in Him again.

Then in Psalms 32:5, David says the unthinkable:
"I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the Lord; and thou forecast the iniquity of my sin."
David felt he was forgiven! Even after all that happened.

Did that remove the eternal consequences? No. He still lost his exaltation. That can't be removed, like the scripture says. But he was still forgiven.

We will make mistakes that we will have to repent from. And we will pay for the consequences of those mistakes. But no matter what, even if we commit very serious sins, we can still be forgiven and feel the love of the Lord in our lives once again.
I think that is the most important lesson that we can learn from David.
Forgiveness is available to us, if we work for it and turn our hearts back to the Lord.

Sometimes you have questions for a long time, then one day it just all makes sense

This post is going to be a little different than what I have done lately. My heart is full right now and I just need to write today's experience down. I'm not sure why I decided it needed to be here, but here it is.

A little bit of back story first. 

A little more than two years ago, I was sitting in the conference center, with my lovely roommates. As it was my freshman year, it was my first conference away from home. I was sitting in the balcony when President Monson announced that the age of eligibility for young men to serve a mission would now be 18, and young women could serve at 19. Those of whom were watching the conference session knew the buzz that immediately filled the conference center. But imagine the buzz that entered the hearts five 18 year old girls sitting together. That announcement was quickly the theme of every conversation that weekend, and pretty much the rest of that school year. 

None of my siblings have served a mission and I wanted so desperately to go, serve the Lord, and give my parents the blessings of having a missionary they deserved.

I prayed about it, really wanting to know if I should go. And the Lord, as he always does, answered. With a no.

I was in shock. Why couldn't I go? What was wrong with me? 

I'll have to admit it was hard to go to all of the mission call openings that I was invited to go to. But I went, living somewhat vicariously through my friends that were able to their calls. 

Throughout the rest of the school year I ended up saying goodbye to around 80% of my ward who answered the prophet's request for more missionaries. Including three of my roommates. 

Since that time, I've continued on at BYU. I realized that I needed to finish school and to continue on my dream to become an occupational therapist and adaptive sports coach. I graduate in April from BYU and last week turned in my applications for occupational therapy.

Also the other two of my freshman roommates got married. I couldn't be happier for them.

But at the same time I had this feeling that I hadn't accomplished anything because I hadn't completed the "Mormon" things to do as a young adult, serve a mission or get married. I tried to not let it get to me, but it was always in the back of my mind.

Well my friends from my freshman ward are starting to come home now. The feelings I had during my freshman year of feeling inadequate for being told I wasn't to go on a mission started to resurface. I was the last one to do something, so to speak, from my freshman dorm. Most of my childhood friends are on missions, and are starting to come home. And I sat there in my room feeling like I had nothing to show for what I did when they were gone, that I had done nothing while they were out serving the Lord. 

That was when I had a much needed tender mercy.

This semester I am hardly ever on campus. Most of my classes are in the Smith Field House which is just below main part of campus. My religion classes even have to contained to the southwestern most part of campus. 

Last night I found a letter in my mailbox, that had sat for at least a week, from one of my friends on a mission. She comes home next week and I wanted to send her one last letter before she came home. I quickly rushed to write a response and get it ready to send to her today. I figured if it went into the mail today before collection, there was a possibility that she would get it before she was released. Due to the circumstances of the day, that meant that I needed to walk up to the bookstore post office after class. 

While I was there, I walked past the art that they sell in the basement. I had the thought to stop and take a peak to see if I could add to my Christmas present for my niece this year. Instead of finding a picture for my niece, I found this:

Photo by: Doc Christensen. Found on this website.

Since I was 16 I have had the dream to work with the physically disabled, and help them participate in sports. I want to help them learn that even though their life is different from that of abled bodied people, they can still do many of the same things. I want to help them learn to control and overcome their bodies that don't function properly. Most people who know me, know this has been my dream. What they don't know is that when I meet people with disabilities, I immediately dream of this exact moment this picture depicts. I imagine them meeting the Savior and him healing their bodies. I long for the day when they will be resurrected and made whole. As much as I want them to live a full life with the body they have been blessed with, I can't wait for this moment for them. 

So imagine how much this picture tugged on my heart strings. I pictured almost every person, especially the children, I have met during my various activities in that boy's spot. It reaffirmed my dream to become an occupational therapist and to bring the Savior's love and light to each of his sweet spirits he blessed with a deformed body. 

I told my mom about the picture and how I wanted to give it to the therapist I have been job shadowing that past couple of weeks. That picture summed up to me why occupational therapy existed. I wanted to share that with the therapist who had been sharing some of those experiences with me lately. 

My mom, being the amazing woman she is, called the bookstore and ordered two copies. One for him and one for me. Because it meant that much to me.

On my way to back to the bookstore to pick up those pictures, the feelings I had been feeling lately about missions mixed with the feelings I was experiencing about occupational therapy. 

All of the sudden it all made sense.

Due to when I took certain classes, if I had gone on a mission, my graduation would have been delayed even more than just the regular mission delay. The schools I have applied to have time constraints on some prerequisite classes and I would have broken them by taking 18 months off. That meant I would have had to take them over again. OT school would have been delayed for quite a few years if I had served. Even though I was willing to make that sacrifice, Heavenly Father wasn't. My mission was not to be with a name tag and scriptures. My mission was to serve him through Occupational Therapy. 

Yes, I would have served and touched a few people's lives if I had served. But that would have delayed the service I need to render to my future patients and athletes. My talents are needed elsewhere.

So why share all of that on this blog? There are three lessons that I've pulled out of this, besides the tender mercy of finding out what my mission truly is.

1) Sometimes the answer is no, but for a way good reason. The problem with mortality is we can only see what is right in front of us. We are not aware of all of the moving pieces in Heavenly Father's plan. But He knows. He knows us individually. He knows what our talents and who needs that specific talent in their lives. We are asked to do hard things, like go on a mission, move across the country, or stay right where we are. Because He has a plan. He has people he needs us to serve, and He knows who we need to serve us. So the answer might not be what you want it to be. But trust that answer to be better than what you want.

2) Heavenly Father knows your thoughts and feelings. He knew the adversary was starting to work on me. He was aware that I was starting to feel inadequate. So He put things in my path so that the events of today would happen. He wanted me to put them away and go out and serve him. It may not have been what I imagined, but I am so happy to do what I am asked to do. So if you're feeling alone, know that He is there, knowing exactly what you are thinking and feeling.

3) We all have personal and divine missions to fulfill on this earth. This has been something that has been emphasized in my life since the mission announcement was made, but it has finally and fully clicked. There is something that I am supposed to do with occupational therapy that I could not do if I had served a mission. I don't understand that statement now, but one day it will make sense. But He gives us certain tasks and shapes our life so that we can fulfill our divine potential. Ours is the responsibility to respond to the call, and do all we can to do fulfill our callings. 

It has been said that no one can stop the work of the Lord. He has a larger plan for each of us that we would have never imagined for ourselves. And it is a great work. So stop questioning what his plans are, and "trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Wandering in the Wilderness

I've been reflecting a lot on spiritual wanderings in my life lately. There have been times in my life where in one way or another I felt like I was wondering through the wilderness like the children of Israel. I felt forgotten and forsaken. I had no idea what I was doing or why I was where I was. At times, I still feel that way. My scripture reading today helped me to understand why those times happen.

In my Old Testament class, we are in Deuteronomy. I used to think that this book was SO boring because it just listed the same commandments over and over again, ones that are fulfilled and not used today. As I have been studying though, I have been sucked in to the book. It is Moses' final words to the children of Israel before they go in to the promised land and he translated. And it is FULL of good stuff.

Today I read Deuteronomy 8:2-3. It says:

"And thou shalt remember all the way which the Lord thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldst keep his commandments, or no. And he humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger, and fed thee with manna, which thou newest not, neither did thy fathers know; that he might make thee know that man doth not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the Lord doth man live."

The children of Israel were prevented from entering the promised land because of open rebellion and lack of faith. They could have been prevented from going in for 5 or 10 years. But the Lord chose 40. He wanted to see if the children of Israel would return to the commandments. It was time to test them, improve them, and prove to them the many things they can do through him.

The same goes with us and our trials. 

Sometimes we feel as though we are in the desert with nothing, forgotten and forsaken. For a long time too, maybe without realizing what we did wrong. 

He has not forgotten you. He wants to humble and prove you. He wants to to test your obedience. He wants to teach you that you need to live off the Bread of Life, your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 

And if you look during your trials of wondering, you will see the hand of the Lord in your life. Maybe you will see it during these times more than the times of prosperity. He still feeds you spiritually despite feeling lost.

The children of Israel ate manna every day of those 40 years of wondering. Many of times, Moses brought forth water when there was none. There multiple occurrences when the Lord protected and provided for the children of Israel, and they weren't even aware of it happening.

The Lord knows you. He knows what you are going through. He knows the person that you can will become because of those things. He has not forgotten you, no matter how much you try to convince yourself he has. He wants you to become better and more like him. Like he did with the children of Israel, he wants to "humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep his commandments or no." 

Moses said it best when he said:

"Therefore thou shalt love the Lord thy God, and keep his charge, and his statutes, and his judgments, and his commandments, always. And know ye this: for I speak not with your children which have not known, and which have not seen the chastisement of the Lord your God, his greatness, his mighty hand, and his stretch out arm, and his miracles, and his acts, which he did in the midst of Egypt... And what he did unto you in the wilderness, until ye came into this place... But your eyes have seen all the great acts of the Lord which he did. Therefore shall ye keep all the commandments which I command you this day, that ye may be strong. and go in and possess the land, whither ye go to possess it."

We cannot see all of the miracles that are performed in our lives, but they happen. The Lord shapes your life so that you can become the best. Keep his commandments and prove worthy so that you can be strong. If you do this, then you will possess your promised blessings, exaltation. It is his "work and glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39). Your trials are doing just that. Helping you to become stronger in your faith and obedience so that you can enter into his rest when you have completed all that he has for you.

Joseph Smith: A Testimony of a Prophet of God

Once upon a time, I read something on Facebook that made me sad and worried. Ok maybe not just once. Let's try that again.

Many times, I read things on Facebook that make me sad and worried. But usually, I move on, hoping that the person behind the post(s) would have a better day. Recently, I had an experience reading a conversation between several people, that really made me think. Usually, I still move on. Obviously this time is different though because it has motivated this blog post.

So recently the church released a statement about a controversial subject of the church's history. It was from the church, and was as honest as possible. However, the sharing of the post by a person unleashed some comments about how this piece of history proved the Joseph's calling as a prophet, the truthfulness of the church, and realness of Heavenly Father did not deserve faith. Although I didn't know the people, this made me sad for them. I don't think they will see this post, but I want to share my testimony to the contrary in case they ever will.

For me to be able to give a specific experience explaining how I came to the knowledge of Joseph Smith being called as a prophet of God would be impossible. I learned as Christ and many others did; I did "receive not of the fulness at first, but received grace for grace; And he received not a fulness and first, but continued from grace for grace until he received a fullness" (D&C 93:12-13). I cannot say that I have received a fullness. No, I am far from it. But I have received grace for grace, and will do so until I receive it.

I read the Book of Mormon and prayed to know it was true. Although I didn't receive it right away, that prayer was answered. I visited where Joseph walked and died and felt the spirit that important men died there. I studied the history of the church, realizing that it could only happen with the help of a divine being. I heard numerous testimonies from others and each time I felt the Holy Spirit confirming it to be true. I am continually trying to learn of the things Joseph, and other prophets, did. And each new thing that I learn, I feel a confirmation that these things could only be done by men called of God to carry out the restoration of this gospel.

Do I understand everything that Joseph did? No. Do I understand every aspect of the gospel? Not even close. But I can say, without a doubt in my mind, that Joseph did see God and Jesus Christ. I know that through divine inspiration he translated the Book of Mormon, restored God's authority to this Earth, and restored the church that Christ built while on this Earth. 

Like Nephi in the Book of Mormon, "I know that [God] loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things" (1 Nephi 11:17). 

In studying the Old Testament and the History of the Church, I have many of times scratched my head in confusion. There are many things that God has commanded that doesn't make sense to me. But I have learned that they don't have too. I have seen enough resolve of his commandments to know that even if it doesn't make sense to me, it does to him. When he commands something, he has a divine purpose to it. As was said in Isaiah 55:8-9:

"For as my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."

God knows what he is doing. And he has placed men on this earth to be his mouthpieces so that his works will go forth. I believe with all of my heart that Joseph Smith was one of them. With Joseph's life and many others, Heavenly Father brought the fulness of the truth back to the earth. I am so grateful to be apart of it and the blessings that is has brought into my life.

But it is not my hope that you read that testimony and think, "Oh, that's nice for her," and move on. There is something more I wish to share.

This past General Conference, Elder Andersen gave an AMAZING and powerful testimony to the divine calling of Joseph Smith, and how we can come to that same knowledge.

How did Joseph come to have the first vision? He humbly knelt in a grove, away from all distractions, and asked a question. He wanted to know which church to join. 

Elder Andersen said that we too, will receive answers to our questions, when we kneel in faith truly wanting to know the truth. They may not all be an answer as grand as Joseph's, but there will be an answer.

Elder Christofferson shared what happened for him:

At the age of 17 David O. McKay, 9th president of the church, decided to pray alone in a field, until he knew for himself the church to be true. He prayed as long as he could, but still received no answer. It wasn't until many years later and he had a few months left in his mission that he received an answer to the prayer. It came through the words of his mission president and a spiritual confirmation.

In each of these experiences the answers came in different ways. The point is, the answer always came.

If you truly want to know the truth, kneel in faith, asking if it is true. If the answer doesn't come, keep seeking until it does come. And when it comes, make that a foundation of faith. Then build on that foundation, strengthening it always. If your foundation has crumbled, that is okay. Find and fill the cracks, but searching the scriptures and words of the prophets, asking for spiritual confirmation along the way. But I challenge you to seek for the truth. I cannot describe all of the blessings my faith has brought me. They are so numerous, that I can't even recognize them all. My wish is for all that read this post to have the same opportunity.

Talks for further study:

Safety for the Soul by Elder Holland October 2009

Can You Feel So Now? by Elder Cook October 2012

"Lord, I Believe" by Elder Holland April 2013

The Prophet Joseph Smith by Elder Corbridge April 2014