5 ways I have failed in the last 48 hours and why it's ok

I've failed.

Not in one specific thing. But in many ways. In the past two days alone, I have failed a lot.

1. Two nights ago I came home from work with all intention to spend the rest of the night studying because I needed to take my physics test the next day. I studied my scriptures and showered. Then I dove in trying to figure out how to study for an impossible test. As I went to walk into my room to begin, I saw my roommate sitting alone on the couch looking sad. I knew that she and her fiancé were fighting and I had the thought to go out in the front room and be there for her. But I didn't because I was in no way prepared for my test.

I failed my roommate and friend.

2. The next day was going to be long even though I didn't have to work. It was the day I had my evening class and I was going to take my test in between weights and the night class. Then I remembered I had forgotten to read for the night class. Which was fine, I would bring my book to read right before class. 

I didn't bring it to school. 

I failed at doing homework.

3. When I had finally gotten around to taking my test, I had forgotten to look at my Course ID which was essential to getting credit for three problems.

I failed at a simple task.

4. As I was taking the test I got more and more aware at just how little I had prepared for the test and suddenly a 13 question test was going to take me 2 hours. I didn't have two hours to take the test because I had to run home and get my psych book. Suddenly was rushed to finish a test I didn't understand.

I don't know for sure, but I am pretty sure I failed my test.

5. On Sunday, I was assigned a third girl to visit teach. Some how she had gotten over looked and didn't have teachers. The relief society president felt like I needed to teach her. Of course I took that on, because I knew that she had listened to the spirit. We set up an appointment to meet with her after my night class. When I got home I realized that I had no lesson prepared. 

I failed at visiting teaching.

Ok I could probably sit here and list at least 3 more just from work alone, but that would disclose more information that I really should, so I won't. Just know, I failed at doing my job well.

What does this all mean? That I'm a failure. I screw up daily. I ignore promptings, I don't prepare, and I don't understand physics. 

I'm awful and should give up on life, right? 

HECK NO!

Yes I have messed up a lot in the last two days. Actually I mess up a lot in a two hour span of time. 

But that does not mean that I need to give up on life, although some people would like to convince me otherwise.

In reality, it is ok that I messed up. For two reasons.

First, Heavenly Father has a plan just for my imperfect self. 

I forgot my book, which meant I had to run home and grab it before I went up to take my test. As I was leaving home, that same roommate that I had failed was walking home. I stopped her, gave her a hug and apologized for not being my best lately. I talked to her a little bit about what was going on with her relationship and we made a plan to go to the temple today (which was fantastic by the way). If I hadn't failed to grab my book that morning, I wouldn't have been able to make up for failing my roommate the night before. 

I was also able to grab much needed scratch paper for my test. 

With the little time I had before my night class, I was able to at least review the vocabulary in the chapter that was assigned. We had a quiz over that chapter, and I was able to get full credit because I saved myself time to get in some last minute cramming.

When I went up anyway to go visit teach, the girl wasn't there. Which was nice because that meant I didn't waste time I didn't have preparing a lesson. Not that it would have been wasting time, but I currently have better uses. 

So everything turned out. Heavenly Father knew that I was going to mess up these last couple of days, and so he provided ways to help me out and still be successful. I can guarantee you that it didn't just happen that way. He had his hand in my life helping me to make up for the things I had done wrong, as  well as still be somewhat successful despite forgetting things. As well as pushed his promptings a little bit more so that I could be aware of what I really needed to do.

Second, my mistakes are covered. Now that may seem to downplay what is really happening but I don't know how to explain it simply.

I made multiple mistakes on my physics test (I think. I have been too scared to check my grade). While that test is still going to affect my grade in that class and likely how I am looked at for grad school, it doesn't mean it will affect my eternal salvation. My entrance to the celestial kingdom will not depend on whether or not I can calculate when the electric field of two charges will be zero. But it will depend on whether or not I was honest when I was tested over it. 

And the mistakes of being a jerk, and not being the friend that I should be will be forgiven. I am already working to be repentant of those situations, and am learning how to not make those mistakes again.

I make mistakes daily, but that is okay, because the Atonement can be used daily. I am not purposely making mistakes and making a mockery of that sacred act. But I am learning to see when and where I did wrong and how to correct it and repent of it, so that I can be redeemed by our merciful Savior.

So don't get hung up on the little mistakes. I used to beat myself up for hours for messing up on one little thing, sometimes I still do. But stop. These things can be fixed, or happen for a reason. See where you went wrong, fix it, then learn to recognize how to make it not happen again.

We are on this Earth to learn.

So learn. 

Study better for that test next time. Be better organized so you can keep track of all of the things that you need to do. Think of others before yourself, and learn how to be able to do that.

Learning doesn't imply perfection. It implies imperfection so you know how to better serve our Heavenly Father. Mistakes are necessary. Heavenly Father knew that. That is why we have the Atonement. So that we can repent and improve. So do that. Don't get stuck in one spot. Always progress forward.

The SAID principle

I recently got a job as a personal trainer. Part of this job is developing workout plans to help my clients reach their fitness goals. When it comes to working out, it is important to be constantly pushing yourself a little bit past what you think you can do, and what you did the day before. If you don't push your body, it doesn't get better and you don't reach your goals. This principle of training is called overload. You load the body more than it has taken on before so that it can get better. 

The reason why this works is called the SAID principle.

Specific Adaptations to Imposed Demands.

When you demand your body to do a little bit more than it has done before, you body adapts to that workout. It rebuilds that breakdown you caused to be stronger. That way when you ask it to reach that level again, it can without a problem. That is why the pushing has to be constant. If you push yourself once, you improve a little bit, but then you stay at that level.

In one of my classes recently, we talked about this principle. And my teacher brought up an interesting point. He applied it to spiritual training.

Our Heavenly Father is our spiritual personal trainer. He has a plan for each of us, to push us further than we have gone before. To give us more than we have had before. That way we can adapt and get stronger spiritually. So that we can be refined. He has a goal for the kind of person He wants each of us to be. He sees our potential, and knows what we are capable of. He wants us to get there, and He knows the best way.

I have a couple of clients that don't really have goals. They're content where they are and just want to be fit for themselves. They don't have a vision. These are the clients that I want to push hard because they don't see what they're capable of. They way to show them is by using this SAID principle. Imposing higher demands than they have had before or thought they could go. Then after they have made improvements and saying, look this is where you were, and now look at where you are. 

The same with our Heavenly Father.

He gives us hard trials to go through and tasks to accomplish. And when we are able to worship at His feet and see His glorious face, He will show us, look this is where you were, look at where you are now and what you have done.

The trainers that are most relatable to, are the ones who have been where the client is. They have had to lose weight, they were once weak, they were at rock bottom. They know what it felt like to be there, and they know how to get out of it. 

We have that same opportunity spiritual with our trainer. Christ has felt every pain, every trial, every tribulation. He has "descended below them all" (D&C 122:8) so that He can carry us back up. He knows exactly what we are going through, "that he may know according to the flash how to succor his people according to their infirmities" (Alma 7:12). 

There is a saying that He won't give us more than we can handle. Brad Wilcox, in his book "The Continuous Conversion," challenges this thought. It isn't that he won't give us more than we can handle. We can't improve that way. He gives what we can handle with Christ. It is when we rely fully on the Lord and His atonement that we become the people that Heavenly Father wants us to be.
And just as people have a hard time achieving their fitness goals without a personal trainer with the knowledge to get them there, we cannot improve and become like Christ without relying on Him because He has the knowledge to get us there.

Worshipping dumb idols

The start of a new semester means a start of a new religion class. Which also means new knowledge and ways of looking at the scriptures. This semester I am taking Book of Mormon 2. 

This class entails a lot of response papers to teach us how to more fully study the scriptures. The first assignment was asking questions and using study aids to answer them. Each of these response papers need to be over the material that we will be discussing in the next class period. This happens to be Alma 31-35. 

Today I began to study those sections and began looking for questions to ask. It didn't take very long.

Verse 1 of chapter 31 had an interesting line in it:

"…Zoram, who was their leader, was leading the hearts of the people to bow down to dumb idols"

I stopped at that. What exactly are "dumb idols"? I had my ideas, but I wasn't sure so I tried to find the answer through the study aids that we were asked to use in class.

The footnotes told me more about idols, but not dumb ones. So did the Bible Dictionary,

But as I was searching the Topical Guide, I remembered a story that I had learned about a while ago. And I was able to find it in 1 Kings 18:17-39.

This story is of Elijah and the prophets of Baal. Elijah called upon God and He started a fire on wood that was absolutely soaked. This was done after the prophets of Baal failed miserably to get Baal to start a fire on dry wood. 

Rereading this story got me to thinking. There are lots of meanings to dumb. When we think of dumb now, we think lack of intelligence. But at the time that the Book of Mormon was translated, dumb meant the inability to speak. (Found through the 1828 Webster Dictionary) 

So the idols that were being worshipped by the Zoramites in this story were idols that didn't speak. When the worshippers of Baal tried to start a fire, they didn't get anything because it was a "dumb" idol. 

We have the amazing ability to communicate with our Heavenly Father. When we call upon His name He sends us the help that we need. He sends us fire on something that seems to have no hope. Whether that be the ability to fulfill a seemingly impossible calling. Or a job when no one will hire you. Sometimes it is just the fire of feeling His spirit comfort you when you feel beyond comfort. Our Heavenly Father is not a dumb idol. It starts with a prayer in faith, and I know that you will receive an answer.

Now after I discovered what the meaning of dumb idols, this got me to thinking how this applies to me. What "dumb idols" do I worship that prevent me from communicating with my Heavenly Father?

In this case, dumb idols aren't going to be false gods like Baal. But they're going to be things that distract me and prevent me from progressing spiritually. 

My biggest one is media, mostly TV and movies. I watched a lot of TV shows and movies last semester. Mostly because I wasn't feeling well enough to do anything else. And watching wholesome shows and movies aren't a bad thing. But I would watch them rather than study my scriptures. I could have switched a show with a conference talk. Or I could have gone to the temple instead of watch a movie. 

So I have resolved to challenge myself to do that. Study my scriptures before I log into Amazon or Hulu. Go to the temple instead of turning on a movie. Put the Lord before media. I know that I will see significant changes in myself when I do that.

"Absolute Truths"

For one of my classes for my major, we have a series of readings that we need to do before each class so that we can be prepared for that day's discussion. This first reading has to be shared. It is the testimony of one of our dear prophets who have passed on, President Spencer W. Kimball. How amazing it is to have a prophet on the earth today and one who boldly and simply states the knowledge that he has been endowed with. This devotional has really struck a chord with me

http://speeches.byu.edu/index.php?act=viewitem&id=947

Bad days… And how to get through them...

The last six months I have been dealing with problems with my health (I know, I talk about it a lot, sorry). These problems have led to a lot of bad days and has put my into a mental funk. Actually, I don't really know which one caused which. All I really know is that I seem to have been having more hard days than good days. While there is good in every day, I have been having a hard seeing the good, and getting away from dwelling on the bad. 

I got to spend two weeks at home and while it seemed to lift my spirits for a little while, it was really hard to come back to school. Sunday, while Skyping with my mom, I had a break down. I finally let out all of the things that I have been struggling with. My poor mom keeps getting all of my breakdowns. 

I have found when I have a breakdown it is my lowest point. My breaking point admitting that I have fallen really far. However, it is a great thing because it has always been the start of my climbing out of my hole. 

Sunday was also fast Sunday. And I usually start my fast before I go to bed the night before. Call it cheating if you want, but it is what works best for me. I knew that I needed help, that I have been trying to do it on my own and that I couldn't go anywhere with that. So my purpose this time was to ask for spiritual strength. Strength to make it through the semester. Strength to make headway in my new job. Strength to be happy and healthy. 

So let's just say that Sunday was my breaking point. And my building point. 

My mom gave me good advice, reminding me that I had been slacking on my temple attendance. And that also reminded me that I haven't been very good about my scripture study lately either. I realized that even though my testimony was still there, I was drifting away from our Heavenly Father. And that was because I wasn't doing very much to bring me closer.

The next day someone posted a picture on Facebook, unfortunately I can't find it anymore. But it was exactly what I needed to start the day and to begin a new semester. It reminded me that I could make it through my hard times when I relied on my Savior.

Then today as I was scrolling through my news feed, I saw this

Exactly what I needed to see and hear. I was reminded that bad days are there for a purpose. We are to learn and to be strengthened through it. He also mentions in that video that bad days are just that. A day. But tomorrow is a new day. We have the ability to make our days good or bad. We can choose to see the good things that happen that day, or the bad things that happened that day. Chances are there, both have occurred that day. If you dwell on the bad, then your day will likely be bad. If you dwell on the good, then you will have a good and happy day. 

I understand that there will be things that come out of left field and knock you down. Things that are out of your control and not your fault. When those happen (notice I say when, not if), then that is when you can choose to do one of two things. You can stay down, and sit in a puddle of tears and woe. Or you can do as Matthew 11:28-30 instructs: 

"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden…and ye shall find rest for your souls."

Turn to our Savior and plead for His help. He has already felt the pain of your trial. He will take that burden, and help you through it.

An example of this happening is in Mosiah 24. While you should read the whole chapter because it gives the full story, I will only share pieces of 13-15:

"Lift up your heads and be of good comfort… And I will also ease your burdens which are laid upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs… that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. And, now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."

The most essential part of that passage is the last sentence. That is how we make it through the hard times. After praying for strength, we need to "submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." 

Now, don't think that during the last six months I never once prayed for strength. I prayed all the time throughout that time for strength, but I still sunk deeper and deeper. It wasn't because the Lord didn't want to help me, or that He was angry with me or any other reason you can think of. It wasn't the Lord.  It was me. I wasn't ready to change. I wasn't ready to submit to His will. He was right there giving me what I needed, but I wasn't ready to accept it and push through and move on. I wanted to continue sitting in a puddle of my self pity, getting wet in my rain of self induced loneliness. 

Why did I get the strength that I needed now? Because I was ready. I finally decided I was going to do all that I needed to do. I was ready to do things the Lord's way, not my way. I was ready to receive it. 

I'm not saying it is going to be easy to change. The road is going to be bumpy, rocky and very uphill. But I know that I can do it. Because I'm ready to receive the Lord's help. 

Pray continually. Never lose faith. I assure you by the witness of the story of Alma's people, and by my own experiences that the Lord is there, wanting to help and be there for you. I know that He has felt our burdens and wants to carry them for us. Reach out to Him, and He will be there.