The last six months I have been dealing with problems with my health (I know, I talk about it a lot, sorry). These problems have led to a lot of bad days and has put my into a mental funk. Actually, I don't really know which one caused which. All I really know is that I seem to have been having more hard days than good days. While there is good in every day, I have been having a hard seeing the good, and getting away from dwelling on the bad.
I got to spend two weeks at home and while it seemed to lift my spirits for a little while, it was really hard to come back to school. Sunday, while Skyping with my mom, I had a break down. I finally let out all of the things that I have been struggling with. My poor mom keeps getting all of my breakdowns.
I have found when I have a breakdown it is my lowest point. My breaking point admitting that I have fallen really far. However, it is a great thing because it has always been the start of my climbing out of my hole.
Sunday was also fast Sunday. And I usually start my fast before I go to bed the night before. Call it cheating if you want, but it is what works best for me. I knew that I needed help, that I have been trying to do it on my own and that I couldn't go anywhere with that. So my purpose this time was to ask for spiritual strength. Strength to make it through the semester. Strength to make headway in my new job. Strength to be happy and healthy.
So let's just say that Sunday was my breaking point. And my building point.
My mom gave me good advice, reminding me that I had been slacking on my temple attendance. And that also reminded me that I haven't been very good about my scripture study lately either. I realized that even though my testimony was still there, I was drifting away from our Heavenly Father. And that was because I wasn't doing very much to bring me closer.
The next day someone posted a picture on Facebook, unfortunately I can't find it anymore. But it was exactly what I needed to start the day and to begin a new semester. It reminded me that I could make it through my hard times when I relied on my Savior.
Then today as I was scrolling through my news feed, I saw this
Exactly what I needed to see and hear. I was reminded that bad days are there for a purpose. We are to learn and to be strengthened through it. He also mentions in that video that bad days are just that. A day. But tomorrow is a new day. We have the ability to make our days good or bad. We can choose to see the good things that happen that day, or the bad things that happened that day. Chances are there, both have occurred that day. If you dwell on the bad, then your day will likely be bad. If you dwell on the good, then you will have a good and happy day.
I understand that there will be things that come out of left field and knock you down. Things that are out of your control and not your fault. When those happen (notice I say when, not if), then that is when you can choose to do one of two things. You can stay down, and sit in a puddle of tears and woe. Or you can do as Matthew 11:28-30 instructs:
"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden…and ye shall find rest for your souls."
Turn to our Savior and plead for His help. He has already felt the pain of your trial. He will take that burden, and help you through it.
An example of this happening is in Mosiah 24. While you should read the whole chapter because it gives the full story, I will only share pieces of 13-15:
"Lift up your heads and be of good comfort… And I will also ease your burdens which are laid upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs… that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. And, now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."
The most essential part of that passage is the last sentence. That is how we make it through the hard times. After praying for strength, we need to "submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."
Now, don't think that during the last six months I never once prayed for strength. I prayed all the time throughout that time for strength, but I still sunk deeper and deeper. It wasn't because the Lord didn't want to help me, or that He was angry with me or any other reason you can think of. It wasn't the Lord. It was me. I wasn't ready to change. I wasn't ready to submit to His will. He was right there giving me what I needed, but I wasn't ready to accept it and push through and move on. I wanted to continue sitting in a puddle of my self pity, getting wet in my rain of self induced loneliness.
Why did I get the strength that I needed now? Because I was ready. I finally decided I was going to do all that I needed to do. I was ready to do things the Lord's way, not my way. I was ready to receive it.
I'm not saying it is going to be easy to change. The road is going to be bumpy, rocky and very uphill. But I know that I can do it. Because I'm ready to receive the Lord's help.
Pray continually. Never lose faith. I assure you by the witness of the story of Alma's people, and by my own experiences that the Lord is there, wanting to help and be there for you. I know that He has felt our burdens and wants to carry them for us. Reach out to Him, and He will be there.
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