Christmas Gifts

I've been thinking a lot about Christmas gifts lately, as I am sure most of you have. I often hear about what we could give Christ for Christmas. I mean it only makes sense to give him a gift, considering it is His birthday that we are celebrating.

A lot of people ask the question, "What do I give the person who has everything?" They're really hard to give gifts. Well Christ made everything, He inherited all that the Father hath. So what could we possibly give Him?

I've been thinking about past Christmases and the evolution of them, so to speak. I remember when I was younger crawling around under the Christmas tree seeing how many presents I got and trying to guess what they are (I was always wrong). We always opened our gifts on Christmas Eve, and then Santa filled our stockings on Christmas morning. But Christmas was always about the gifts when I was younger. Which is fine. I mean, what kid isn't filled with joy to get new stuff.

One year we went Christmas caroling before we ate dinner, did a nativity reenactment and open presents. And it was torture. I had to not only wait that much longer to open gifts, but I had to go around and sing. A lot. For people. In front of people. Not my favorite thing.

The next year we went again. But this time it wasn't as dreadful. 

Gradually, as the years went on a change happened. No longer was the gifts the most important thing, although they were still a lot of fun and I was always grateful for them. But I cared more about the caroling. Shocking, I know. Don't get me wrong, I still don't like the singing in front of people. But seeing the joy on their faces and getting to serve our neighbors began to be my favorite part. And when we got done with the nativity, I wasn't dying to open gifts anymore. I was happy to open gifts and receive them, but I actually just wanted to watch everyone else open them. And see their happiness in what they got.

When my two older sisters had families of their own, our family decided to start drawing names for gifts. That first year, I felt so weird not getting all of my siblings gifts, so I still made mom buy gifts for my siblings from me (I picked them out but I didn't have money to pay for them).

When I think about all of the care I put in about the gifts that I was going to get, I realized, I don't remember most of the gifts that I got. And honestly, I probably don't have most of them anymore. I can't place the best material Christmas present I ever got (although if you really twisted my arm, my iPhone is pretty legit).

But the best gifts I have ever received in my life, Christmas gifts or not, is the gift of family ties and lasting friendship. I have screwed up a lot in my life. And I still make mistakes daily. But my family has continued to love me unconditionally and my friends stuck by me. Especially lately, when I know that I haven't been the easiest of person to be around. 

Then it hit me. I knew what I could give Christ. If the best gifts I have received from others is friendship, then I could give that gift to Christ. I have been a really bad friend lately, to Christ and to all of my other friends and family. But I still have time to change. I won't be able to do it all at once, but I can change and become a much better, dedicated friend. 

My gift is to strengthen my relationship with Christ. I want to be two peas in a pod with Him. I want to serve Him with all of my heart with no expectation of receiving anything in return. I want to share with Him all of my deepest, darkest secrets, even if He already knows them. I want to stay up late talking to Him. I want to share in joy and sadness. Hard times and elation. He knows all of my weaknesses, sticking points, and flaws, and loves me anyway. What better friend could I ask for? 

And I can do the same. 

I know that Christ doesn't have any flaws or weaknesses. He's perfect. But there is a way that I can do that. That is by being the kind of friend that He is to me, to someone else. He said that:

"Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

-Matthew 25:40 

I have been so incredible blessed with amazing family and friends who have supported me just like the Savior has done. Despite all of my flaws and poor treatment of them, they have been there for me. 

There are those who do not have the same blessing. The best gift that we can give Christ this Christmas is being a supportive friend to those that have no one. And sharing with them the friendship that Christ has to offer. 

And, like in my case, if we haven't been a very good friend, repenting and becoming better. 

If any thing, we can give Christ our efforts to become better. I cannot think of any better present to give than our friendship, our service and our work to become more like Him.

Lasting Testimony

As the semester has come to an end, I was finishing up my reading for my doctrine and covenants class, and something really struck me. 

"And now after the many testimonies that have been given of [Jesus Christ], this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That He lives!

For we saw Him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father-

That by Him, and through Him, and of Him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God."

-D&C 76:22-24

During high school, this is one of the many scriptures that I memorized. I used to read this scripture and think, "Man, I wish I could be able to give a testimony like this." Today I realized that I can.

No, I have not had the pleasure and privilege to see our Savior in the flesh. I can't say that I have seen Him. But I can say that I know that He lives. I know it. I have heard and felt the voice hearing record that He lives, He is our Redeemer, and that He is there for us. He is my big brother that has felt all of my pains, weaknesses, struggles, failures, joys, happinesses, successes and all of things that I have and will experience in this life. He knows me better than I know myself and He is always there ready to succor me according to what I need.

You may read this and think, "How can she know? Where is her proof?"

While, I do not have evidence in the way of a picture or a recording of His voice, I have two ways that I know that He lives.

He is everything that I do and in my life. He is in the smiles and hugs of my nieces. He is in the magnificence of my school and ability to learn. He is in my ability to make it through my daily struggles. He is in the beautiful landscapes and mountains that I am always surrounded by. He is in the miracle of how things will work out perfectly as they need to. He is in everything in my life. And all of these tender mercies and miracles could only come from one who has felt my burdens and has the ability to carry me through them.

The other way that I know is I searched for Him. I prayed consistently to know that He is there. I lived in a way that I would be worthy to receive an answer. I looked for His hand in my life. I studied the scriptures to learn more about Him. I really looked for Him and sought for an answer. And I received it. Not all at once, but over time. So much so that I can saw that I know. I don't just believe, I know. I know that He lives and loves each and everyone of us. I cannot deny it.

If you can only say that you believe that He is there, that is okay. It is a great start. I encourage you to seek for an answer if you don't know if He lives. Truly search out to find Him. I assure you that you will get an answer. Don't give up.

As we enter the Christmas season, there is no better time to seek for Him. It will help you to truly feel the Christmas spirit and celebrate it in the way the holiday was intended, and not how the world has come to celebrate it.

"Be of good cheer, and do not fear"

What could you do if you did not fear? 

What could I do if I didn't have fear?

I have been asked that question many times in my life. Usually what follows the answer to that question is, "So what is stopping you?" 

Somehow that is supposed to encourage and motivate me to accomplish those things. And it works. For about two minutes. And then my fears set back in. 

The other day I was reading my scriptures as I fell asleep because I put it off far to long. Before my eyes shut, I read:

"Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you and will stand by you…" -D&C 68:6

Many times in my life, fear has stopped me from doing many things. And lately, it has become worse and worse. 

This verse was timed perfectly for me. Situations have come up in which I have had to say and do things that I would rather not do. I have been scared of the outcome. But reading this helped me to remember that I do not have to do these things alone. I can receive strength, guidance and help from our Savior.

He is there. Cheering us on. Wanting us to do those things that are hard, but will strengthen and help us and those around us. He stands by us. 

We do not need to despair when hard things come up. We need to be of good cheer. We do not need to fear. Our Lord is with us.

Grateful month *Warning…really long post*

So there is this bandwagon that goes by every November that more and more people jump on.

That is the grateful a day bandwagon. 

Don't get me wrong I love the idea of finding something everyday to be grateful for. I am just uncomfortable with and don't often have the time to post something every day on Facebook that I am grateful for. But I still wanted to do it, so I am just going to post all of the things that I am grateful for….all at once. Enjoy!

Day 1: I am grateful for all of the angels that the Lord has blessed me with in my life. He knows just who to place in my life when. Most specifically, today I am grateful for my former roommate Esther. She emulates all that that name implies. She took in an 18 year old that didn't know anything about the world or how to be social and taught her. She still continues to take care of me and has truly become someone that I look up to and try become like. She is a true example of Christ. She may never see this, but I want the world to know, I am grateful for the circumstances that brought us to be roommates. And for a Heavenly Father who thinks enough of me to place someone like her in my life.

Day 2: I am grateful to be tested. I took a ridiculously hard test today. I studied for over 15 hours (on a midterm!) and still only came out getting the answers right to three quarters of the test. While I learned that I need to understand how to study more effectively, I am grateful to be tested. It helps me to learn and grow and feel a sense of accomplishment that I didn't fail. I am also grateful for the Holy Ghost who kept me calm and guided me through the test so I could at least attempt to answer the questions to the best of my ability without completely freaking out.

Day 3: I am grateful for inspired priesthood leaders and teachers. I am grateful that the Lord uses other people to address our problems and concerns. How wonderful it is that he uses other people to accomplish his work of addressing something that we have difficulty with. I had been struggling with my roommates who had been making choices that didn't occur to them as being wrong or inconsiderate. Today in stake conference, our stake president addressed that concern specifically. Right on the dot. Now the hope is for my roommates to have listened.

Day 4: I am grateful for work. I am grateful for the chance to work, for a job and for the opportunity I have to learn from that job. I honestly don't know very well what I am doing in this job. But I am excited to learn and to do my best at it.

Day 5: I am grateful for second chances. You know that test I talked about on day 2? Yeah well it was important that I got a good grade on it. You see I did poorly on the first test in that class. And in order to still pull a good grade, I had to consistently do well on all of the following tests. Which is why I studied and stressed so much over the test. Because I didn't do as well as I needed again, that meant I had to do ridiculously well on the last midterm and final. Something that just seemed out of my reach. BUT overall the class did poorly on the test and so the teacher curved the test 10 percentage points. Giving me a second (ok third) chance at a grade that will help me get into grad school.

I am also grateful that I forgot to lock my trunk forever ago. That way I could get my keys out of my locked car that still had the lights on. And I didn't have to call my roommate to come save me. THAT would have been embarrassing.

Day 6: I am grateful that I still fit children's clothing…and shoes. Now you may be saying, but Beth, how is that God's hand in your life? Because He made me. And when He did, He knew that I was going to need to buy clothing for a new job and want good quality. But the quality that I wanted comes with a huge price. He knew all of this, so He made me to fit the largest children's sizes so that I can knock $20 off of my price. Should I just learn to have cheap brands? Maybe. But He knew I just don't have that in me yet, and so He is helping me to learn how to afford things on my own. Being an adult is hard. But it doesn't mean I have to learn how to be one by myself.
Day 7: Today I am grateful for hard things. That may not make sense for all of the complaining that I have been doing, but I really am grateful for them. If everything were easy, life wouldn't be enjoyable and I wouldn't learn. Right now I am learning hard work, how to balance and juggle (figuratively), and how to learn something that I really don't understand. And I am so grateful to learn it. Oh and I am grateful for a job too. That's really nice.
Day 8: I am grateful for the power of music. Lately I have been finding songs that fit perfectly to how I am feeling. When I connect with a song it feels like it releases something within me. It pulls out the pain and struggle within me and helps me to deal with the problem that I am facing. Usually, I turn to exercise when I am dealing with a problem. But when for some reason exercise isn't an option, I turn to music. I can't play it very well, but the words, melodies, beats and rhythms are like friends that are there reaching out and helping me up when I get knocked down. I know it sounds truly weird, but that is how it works. I'm not sure how to describe it. I am grateful that the Lord blessed me with two releases during my struggles and is right now blessing me with wonderful music to help me when exercise is difficult to do right now.
Day 9: Today I am grateful for my dear, wonderful Dad. He and I may have our struggles together. Ok, mostly I am a selfish brat and so I treat him like crap (I'm not saying that is ok. And I promise that I am trying to work on it). But I am truly grateful for the wonderful man that he is. He taught me how to work, do things for myself, how to see a need and fill it, and how to enjoy the simple things in life. Today is a big birthday for him. I know that he is feeling is age and not excited about being this old, but he is a wonderful example and I love him dearly.
Day 10: I am grateful for callings and the chance to serve. Today I taught relief society, and while the lesson was cut short, I am grateful for the chance to study the materials and to come to better understand the principles of the gospel taught by the wonderful leaders of this church, present and past.
Day 11: I am grateful for those who sacrificed so much to serve our country. Some gave their lives, some gave up their families and watching their children grow, others gave limbs and their mental state. This country is amazing and truly the land of promise. I am grateful for those who fight to protect all that it stands for. I am grateful to live in this country and enjoy the blessings and freedoms that we have here. I know I take it for granted too often. But I am still extremely grateful. I am especially grateful for two brothers-in law and a cousin who have made that sacrifice.
Day 12: Today I am grateful for my body. It has kind of been rebelling lately but I have decided to fight through the pain and try to return to normal as much as possible. This included fighting through the pain and working out. Today I went to the gym and did a normal work out. And boy, am I happy that I get to do that again. I have truly missed pushing myself to my limits and to continually get better. And yes, I have even missed being sore after a work out. I am truly grateful that I have a body that can work out and the motivation and ability to push myself to my limits.
Day 13: I am grateful for being blessed with a high pain tolerance. I went in for a CT scan today to see if we could get any answers about what's going on with me. Well CT scans aren't supposed to hurt. And they don't…the scan part. But they had to inject an indicator in my body on the second scan. And guess who was blessed with the gift of small veins? Me. So the poor lady trying to get the indicator in me couldn't get it in. So she had to get someone else after several tries. And she had to try a couple of times as well before they finally caught the vein (apparently my love for rolling around goes down to the cellular level). They finally got it in. Then they did a scan without the injection, then they injected the scan. Well I now have a better appreciation for people who get hooked up to IVs regularly. That wasn't my favorite experience. But I am grateful for my high pain threshold as well as the angels that had to have been giving my strength throughout that process. I am so blessed.
Day 14: I am grateful to be learning. When Esther and I were working on homework today we discussed about how sometimes we are amazed by the work we are doing. I was going to take a picture of a problem we worked on in class and send it to my sister with a joke in there. Then I realized that she wouldn't have gotten it. Not because she wasn't smart, but the concepts and the formula is not something that she has been around for a long time…if she has seen it. There are so many amazing things that we are surrounded by. And I am so grateful to be able to learn all about it from some gifted minds. Even if it does give me a headache once in a while.
Day 15: I am extremely grateful for my family. Today was the first time all of my siblings and I had been in the same city since my brother graduated 3 and a half years ago. Each one of them is the perfect sibling for me. They teach me so much and I learn everyday from them. I am so happy to spend this weekend with them and to be apart of my middle sister's wedding.
Day 16: I am grateful for my new brother-in-law. Watching him today, marrying my sister and all of the festivities afterwards, I realized that my sister married the best guy for her. He knows all of the choices she has made and loves her still the same. He loves her daughter as his own and will be a wonderful father to her. I am so grateful that my sister has found a guy who loves her equally in return and that will do anything for her. I know that he will love her the rest of his life and will take care of her everyday. I couldn't ask for more out of a brother-in-law.
Day 17: I am so grateful for my mother. Today I left home to go back to school and I had a huge breakdown. I cried harder leaving then than the last four times I have left my family to continue on at school. She just held me and let me sob until I could get control of myself. I know my mom loves me with all of her heart and she takes the best care of me. I am so grateful that the Lord thought of me enough to send me to such a wonderful mother.
Day 18: I am grateful for the help the Lord gives. I had a test today that I had no time to study for, due to my sister's wedding this weekend. I got in about three hours of studying before I had no choice, but to go take the test. I prayed so hard for help on this test (as I do every test), this time specifically asking for help to slow down and really read the question and every possible answer. Well I did much better than I expected on this test and I know it was because I had the Lord helping me to slow down and take my time.
Day 19: Today I am grateful for my job and that I am finally figuring it out. I got a job as a basketball ref for the city. They trained us and had a practice, but I felt really overwhelmed, especially since I didn't have time to sit down and really learn and immerse myself in the game and reffing. Today I refereed my first game and while I know there are a lot of things that I need to improve on, I was pleasantly surprised with how well I did. I am glad that I have this chance to learn and that I have a job and am finally starting to earn some money.
Day 20: I am grateful for BYU and all that it is. While I could have gotten an education just about anywhere, I knew that BYU was the place that I needed to be. Even though it was a fantastic education for a low price, what really brought me in was the ability to be around people who had my standards and wanted to keep their standards. Every day I see people who have gone through difficult things and still stay true to the gospel. It helps me to strengthen my testimony and have the desire to continue pushing on.
Day 21: I am grateful for my ancestors, grandparents and parents who accepted the gospel and then raised me in it. I am so happy that I had the opportunity to grow up in the church. That I was constantly surrounded by good people who knew without a doubt of its truth. They taught me how to seek for truth and to gain a testimony of my own. My parents and church leaders didn't brain wash me into being a mormon. They taught me the principles of truth and how to find it on my own. It took me a while to decide that I should find out for myself, but I am so grateful that I did. Now I have the happiness that the gospel brings in my own life.
Day 22: I am grateful for the ability to study. When I graduated high school, I didn't know how to study. Even though I had spent two years in college when I graduated, I never really needed to study. I understood the material enough that I just needed to glance over my notes or think through the processes that I was learning and then I could ace the tests. While I am truly grateful for my brain and the knowledge that I have, I am grateful that I have had this opportunity to learn how to study. I am learning to work for things that I truly desire. No longer are my school courses easy. So now I am learning to have to work for that GPA I want so that I can continue on in school.
Day 23: I am grateful for breaks. No I haven't yet started thanksgiving break, but I finally could take a break from school work. I love learning but sometimes you just need a mental break where you don't need to think. I finally was able to take one today for the first time in a really long time and dang, it felt really nice.
Day 24: I am grateful for personal revelation. I am writing a paper for my D&C class on personal revelation and the subject is fascinating. We aren't given a handbook to life when we are born. We have to figure things out on our own, along with the help of parents, siblings, other family and friends. However, we are also entitled to the guidings of the Holy Spirit. And when we seek earnestly for the answers that we desire, willing to follow up on whatever answer we get, we can receive answers to some of life's hardest decisions. What a great and wonderful opportunity. I am so grateful that I don't have to go through this life lost and alone. That I can receive the guidance and the help that I need to journey through this life on the best paths.
Day 25: Today I am grateful for good friends and family. I am going through some trying times medically and I am so grateful to be surrounded by friends who care about me and are willing to help me. And for family (okay family friends but they're quickly becoming family) who are willing to take care of me and won't judge me as I prepare for some upcoming procedures. I know that Heavenly Father places people in our lives so that we can learn from them and that we can take care of each other. While I try my hardest to be the person taking care of someone, once in a while, you have to be taken care of. And I am so grateful that I am surrounded by people who are willing to.
Day 26: I am grateful for modern medicine. Today I had some tests to see if we can figure out what is going on. While we didn't find out what is going on, we have found more of what it isn't. It fascinates me the abilities that doctors have now to really look through and can get a real hands on look as to what the body looks like and what it is doing. I am grateful to be in this time and age that can do that. Also, being sedated is really fun.
Day 27: I am grateful for the temple. Honestly, I have been really bad about going and doing work, but I have spent a lot of time on the temple grounds really feeling the spirit. I have been troubled with a lot of things going on and the only place that I can close all of those things and feel peace is at the temple. I am so grateful to live in a time where they dot the earth and I live in a place the is temple central. I am also grateful to have a testimony of the temple and how wonderful it is. I don't know how I would get through the hard times without it.

Day 28: I am sincerely grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I am grateful for the knowledge of this great gift so that I can have the strength to make it through the hard times of life. And for the knowledge that I can be forgiven when I screw up. I am grateful that I know about it so that I have the motivation to be my best and the added strength to become even better daily. I am so grateful that our Heavenly Father and our brother Jesus Christ love us so much that they gave us this gift to use daily.
Day 29: I am especially grateful today for quiet. I came home from thanksgiving break and my roommates were all still gone. It was wonderful to be able to get all of my chores and errands done without being in the way or having someone in the way. It helped me to really relax before the insanity that is the end of the semester and finals starts. Also I could really listen to my own thoughts and inspiration much easier and was able to accomplish what I needed to, despite the lack of motivation.
Day 30: I am grateful for the opportunity to fast. Tomorrow is what we call fast sunday. It is when we go without food and water for two meals to receive spiritual strength. This is to help us show our Heavenly Father how deeply we want blessings or answers to our questions. I receive the most answers to my questions when I ask with prayer and fasting. And I am grateful to be able to do it again.

Now being grateful everyday is nothing more than recognizing the Lord's hand in our life daily and thanking him for it. This is something that we should do continually. It brings blessings, it brings peace. Most of all it helps you to realize that your life really isn't awful, despite having struggles. 

I hope to (and I hope you will too) make this a daily habit, not just a once a year during a month thing. His hand is in our lives daily, not just during the month of November. We need to be grateful all of the time. It is great to reflect at the end of the day and say oh yeah, this was when the Lord intervened today.

Of you it is required to forgive all men

Today I was reading D&C 64. It is another section that is packed full of wonderful blessings and principles. But today I reread one of my favorite scriptures in the D&C. And that is verses 9-11, which state:

"Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men. And ye ought to say in your hearts-let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds."

So powerful. 

I used to wonder why I had to forgive everyone. Some people have done some really bad things. They shouldn't be forgiven for that. 

Then I was taught the principle behind the parable of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18:23-35. This parable was given by Christ to illustrate just why we need to forgive everyone, even the people who have done some serious sins.

The summary of this parable is that there is a man who owes a debt that would be impossible to repay. The debt fell due and the man was threatened to lose everything and go to prison until it was repaid. He begged for mercy. And the lender forgave it and sent him on his way. Now for a debt that in no way going to be repaid to be forgiven is astounding. 

When the debtor left the presence of the lender, he found someone who owed him a debt. Now this debt was measly and was next to nothing. Again mercy was pleaded, but this time it wasn't granted and the man was thrown in prison. 

The lender found out about the lack of mercy being extended and called the debtor back into his court. The lender explained that he granted mercy on this huge debt and that he was angry that it wasn't extended on this tiny debt. The mercy extended to the debtor was revoked and the man was thrown into prison.

When I was younger I thought that this was just a story of a guy who was dumb and didn't see the great blessing he received. Which is true. But there is so much more to it.

Each and every one of us owes a huge debt to the Lord. We have wronged him every time we sin and break a covenant. Needless to say, we sin daily and have removed ourself far from His presence. Whenever we repent of a sin, we are pleading for mercy on a debt that is absolutely enormous. And He grants it to us.

Now when someone wrongs us, it is small in comparison. I'm not trying to diminish the trouble and pain that you are going through, but I assure, we have done worse to the Lord. Now if He extends His mercy on a huge debt, shouldn't we extend mercy to a small debt? Or would we rather be thrown out of His presence forever?

Let me illustrate this with a personal example. When I was younger I was the queen of holding grudges. And that is nothing to be proud of. But I slowly learned to let things roll off my back. It was a hard road but I learned. My junior year in high school, evidence came to light that a man had severely wronged and hurt a member of my family. And it had been going on for years. I was there when all that had happened was reported to make action against him begin. 

It was so easy to be angry with him. All that happened made me sick to my stomach, and I didn't even fully understand what happened until a year and a half later. But I was so angry that someone could do something that horrific, let alone to a member of my family that I loved and cared for. My mom was there also and was experiencing the same struggles. A couple of days later we asked for a priesthood blessing. In that blessing my mom and I were both told to let the anger go and seek to give the best support throughout this trial. And that's exactly what I did. After that blessing I received the help to forgive him. I no longer hated him. In fact I felt sorrow for him and how little he knew that he thought that doing this action was okay. 

Now I don't profess to be perfect at forgiving. Because I am not. But I do know that it is possible to forgive others. Even the ones that do horrible things that seem unforgivable. "Ye ought to say- let God judge between me and thee and reward thee according to thy deeds." It isn't our place to hold anything against people. It is God that ultimately decides what it is that is forgivable and unforgivable. 

A much better example is this man:

It is possible. Release yourself of the pain and struggle to carry grudges. Be free and allow others to be free as well.

Overcomer

My friend just posted this on Facebook. It is a wonderful video. And fits perfectly with my last couple of posts.

"How to Succor Them Who are Tempted"

D&C 62:1 states "Behold, and hearken,…saith the Lord your God, even Jesus Christ, your advocate, who knoweth the weakness of man and how to succor them that are tempted."

He then goes on to say some very wonderful things and give great blessings. This section is full of wonderful things that you really should take the time to study out and really learn. But what I want to focus on is how He is our advocate, He knows out weaknesses and knows how to succor us that are tempted.

I have talked a lot lately about how He gives us the strength through trials and difficulties because He has been there before. I have a strong deep testimony that Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior knows has felt every pain, sadness, trial, temptation and sin for each and every one of us. He suffered not only to allow us to be back in the presence of our Heavenly Father, but He also suffered so that we wouldn't be alone. He knows perfectly where we have been so that He knows perfectly how to help us. 

He knows our weaknesses. We have them to us so that we can be humble and learn how to make them strong (Ether 12:27). Do we have to learn how to make our weaknesses alone? No. We could try. But how easy is it for an addict to become clean by themselves? Not very. He knows perfectly so that we do not have to work hard alone. We don't have to fail. We just need to turn to Christ.

He knows how to succor them that are tempted. Have you ever made a batch of chocolate chip cookies for an activity and have some left over? They just sit there. Calling your name. Enticing you to just have one bite. Every time you pass them in the kitchen, you can hear your name just a little bit louder until you finally succumb. Then the next thing you know, the extra ten cookies are gone. You could say that they were tempting. How do you keep yourself from eating the ten extra delectable goodness? Well there are many strategies, but my favorite is to just not have them. I try to give them away. Or just not bake them in the first place. Now I'm not saying that chocolate chip cookies are bad. They are wonderful. Whenever I am feeling nostalgic or depressed, trust me, it hits the spot. But we have temptations that we really have a hard time with. It may be chocolate chip cookies. Or saying biting remarks as retaliation. Or pornography. There are lots of things out there, sitting there, calling our name, getting louder each time we pass. And we pass them all the time. We don't have to try to resist by ourselves. 

Christ is there, ready to help us say no to temptations. He will be the person in our ear saying, "You don't really want that cookie." That may not be actually what happens, but He really will be that added extra strength that we need to resist temptation. There is a scripture in the New Testament that says that we won't be tempted above that which we will be able to bear (1 Corinthians 10:13). But it doesn't exactly say how. Alma 13:28 gives the exact key. Humble yourselves before the Lord. Call on His holy name. 

It is my testimony that He truly is there. He wants to help us. I know I talk about this a lot but I just want to shout it out from the rooftops that I know. I KNOW that this life doesn't have to be as hard as we make it out to be. If we turn to the strength of Christ, we will have the ability to make it through all of the difficult things that we are asked to pass through in this life.

Why bad things happen to good people

When I was in high school I really struggled with something. I felt like no matter how hard I tried to be good, bad things still happened to me. Looking back at it, that wasn't really the case, but it appeared to me at the time. 

My first year at school, it became worse. Winter semester I went through trial after trial, difficulty after difficulty all while I was doing my absolute best to be as righteous as possible. And when I asked if I could serve a mission, I was shut down. Meanwhile I looked at my sister who made some hard choices and fell from the church. Sometimes she made baby steps back to church, other times she stepped further from the church. And yet, she got everything she wanted. Right away, she got into a school program that had year long waiting list. She got her dream job straight out of school. She was living for free at my parents house. Everything seemed to fall out of my lap and into hers. And I could not possibly imagine why that could be.

I spent my whole life learning that when you're righteous, you get blessings. When you aren't righteous, you lose those blessings you could have had. But then I found myself wondering, well then why am I having the hardest time, but doing my best to be righteous? Where are my blessings?

Now I was also taught that just because you were righteous, doesn't mean life was going to be easy. You will just have access to and the faith to be the blessings that you need to get through your hard difficulties. And I totally understand that.

Then why was it that my sister was getting everything she wanted? 

But really, she didn't get everything she wanted. She is dealing with the consequences of her actions and will for the rest of her life. 

The lesson here is that blessings come when you need it. 

Our Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need when we need it. My sister is dealing with hard things that make life really difficult for her. So she needed those things that she had dreamed for to let her know that our Heavenly Father was there watching her and knew she was there and aware of her dreams and wishes.

I am a really rough stone. I have very difficult edges and sharp crevices. The challenges that are brought to my life are to polish those ugly and not needed things away. Heavenly Father is polishing me into something beautiful. He knows exactly the person that He wants me to be. He knows that potential and the abilities that I have. So He is putting trials and challenges in my life so that I can become that person. 

Heavenly Father is aware of each of us. When hard times come to us, it isn't because He turned His back or we aren't worthy of His love. It is the opposite. It is because He is watching so much more closely, watching for that hard edge to become a beautiful shine in the work of art He is creating. He is standing there with His arms open, waiting for us to turn to Him.

There is a saying in our church that God won't give us anything that we can't handle. While it does have some truth to it, it isn't fully true. He is trying to get us to progress and become better. So He is going to give us something just over that line that we can handle so that we can become that much better. 

The best part though is that He doesn't leave us to do it alone. He is there every step, every tear, every exasperated sigh, every crushing blow from the trial. He is there. Watching, standing there, holding out His hand to guide us through. It is up to us to turn to Him.

Recently, though, I came up with another reason as to why bad things happen to good people. This summer I had the AMAZING opportunity to work at this camp called Retreat For Girls. It is a camp where girls get a week to take a retreat from the world and work on themselves. They learn about their Heavenly Father, how to talk to Him, that He is there for them, and how to be the best example of Him in their lives. It is LDS faith based, but is open to any and all faiths. And coming from someone who got to see all of the inner workings, it is an amazing and inspired program. 

The director is one of the best people I have ever had the experience of being around. I am so grateful that I got to meet her and learn from her for those two weeks I worked for her. Her family goes through a lot of trials though. Tonight I just saw a post for something else to have come to her family. I am in awe at how well their family goes through it. Truly some of the best people. 

I was talking to my mom about it and it hit me. It hit me as to why their family has a lot of trials. Why my family has a lot of trials. Why people in my ward have a lot trials. It is the adversary working on us. Working trying hard for us to not reach that potential Heavenly Father sees in us. Working to prevent us from being able to accomplish the great work He has in store for us. 

Why doesn't Heavenly Father stop Him? Because it is a test. A test of strength and will to get through the hard times. When we came to this Earth, we knew it wasn't going to be easy and it would be full of tests. He wants to see us stick to what we believe in. He wants to see us stand strong throughout all difficult times. 

There is a quote that is in the Testing Center at BYU. It goes something like, be grateful for life's tests, because if you aren't being tested, you aren't worth testing. Something along those lines. Yes hard times suck. But you aren't going through them because you suck. Exact opposite. You're going through these hard times because you are awesome. And you are worth the tests of life.

We came to be tested. But we didn't come to be tested alone. Pray with all earnestness of heart. Ask for divine help and strength. And He will give it to you. You may think He didn't hear and answer you request, but I assure you He will and does. It isn't going to be big and flashy. It isn't going to jump out of the bushes and say "Here I am. Here is the strength you asked for." It isn't going to be pixie dust dumped on you. It is going to be exact to how you need. Just don't be too blind to see it.

Next time you have a bad day, ask yourself, "How did I get through it?" "How did I get the help I need?" I assure you the answer will be because the Lord gave me the strength I needed. 

He is there. Please, oh please, turn to Him and ask for His help. I have tried to go through hard times both ways. I assure you it is so much more bearable to go through with someone who knows where you have been, like Christ has, than by yourself.

D&C 50:45-46

Today I was finishing up my reading for my D&C class and I was caught by these last two verses of section 50:

"And the day cometh that you shall hear my voice and see me, and know that I am. Watch, therefore, that ye may be ready. Even so. Amen."

This is an event that I contemplate very often in my life. Like, most likely way more than it probably should.

Here is the reason why.

When I was in middle school I was extremely lost. I had a testimony, but I didn't know what to do about my beliefs. And I wasn't committed to them enough to act upon my beliefs. I struggled to find who I was and what I stood for.

The summer before I went into high school, I knew that I needed to change and start to really seek for the testimony that I knew that I should have and wanted to have. It wasn't until halfway through my freshman year, that this change finally stuck.

It was a night where I felt utterly alone. I finally turned to my Savior and said, I can't do this. I need a friend. I need someone here. And while he did send me the friend I needed (different story for a different day), I found another friend. Him.

He is there constantly for me. Giving me the strength that I can't seem to muster. He is there encouraging me with every step. He is there on my tests helping me to remember the knowledge that I had learned and studied. 

I seriously cannot wait for the day that I can see His face, hear His voice and finally be able to thank Him face to face and worship at His feet. I cannot wait to bathe His feet with my tears. I long to be able to physically feel His embrace, as well as the spiritual embrace that He gives me now.

So yes, this is a topic that is prevalent on my mind. And I am so glad that it is. Because as I think about this day and what I want to say to Him, mostly I want to be able to withstand His presence. The way to do that is to be righteous. Live to be the best person that I can be. Follow in His footsteps. Be an example of Him and His life. 

I need to watch and be ready. That means I can't slack off for a month and be like, well it definitely won't be this month it happens. It is a day to day, hour by hour, minute by minute constant work to be worthy of His presence. Yes, I screw up. I am the first to admit that I am far from perfect and have very far to go. But I am trying. And as long as I am trying and progressing, this day will be a happy one for the both of us.

Questions, more questions, and the answer that I wasn't expecting

Ok so consistent posts isn't exactly my thing. My apologies. If it makes up for anything I have had a bit of an excuse. 

Before I go on, this is in no way meant to be a complaining post. I know people seem to think blogs and social networks is the place to go to complain and to express all your worries, but that isn't what I am trying to do. It's more of…well a million things are happening and as a result a million thoughts are happening and I am finally figuring things out. So, no, I am not trying to get sympathy. I just want to testify of what I have been coming to realize and so discussion of recent trials is going to have to happen.

Alright, so when I came to school, I had developed some health problems that I didn't think needed medical attention until a month in. This is because the problems were and are getting worse and beginning to seriously affect my life. I mean what is the point in paying to live in the most social apartment complex, when you can't have a social life due to pain and nausea.

Anyway, I was also experiencing car problems that sometimes left me stranded in places for a while. Like on top of a busy hill, leaving a sold out concert with people who don't know how to drive, after getting pulled over for a dinky light. An hour away from home. At night. Or in Salt Lake when I was supposed to be driving my friend to the MTC. Ya know, stressful situations. 

And I'm not even touching the roommate problems and frustrations.

The point is that my life has been crumbling before my eyes. And if there is one thing I have a testimony of (ok it's not the only thing, but I know this pretty darn well), it is to turn to Christ in trials. He knows where you have been and even though things won't be magically fixed, you will have peace and blessings to help you get through your trials and learn what you need to learn. THIS IS ALL TRUE. 

However, I apparently need to learn something new this time around. Because every time I prayed for peace, charity, assistance, strength and answers, my life crumbled more. NOTHING seemed to go right. The only thing that isn't falling to pieces is school. And then I started having some problems there. 

Finally, when I was stranded after trying to serve a dear friend, I had a break down. I didn't start questioning why was this happening to me. I have definitely learned that lesson. I didn't question where was God. Another well learned lesson. I didn't question if God loved me. I know that he does without a doubt. I just wanted to know why one thing couldn't go right. 

During this time I was texting my mom. She is one of my few friends left that isn't distracted by getting married or on missions and I can't text them. This is the conversation that we had:

Ok so I will admit, I was super whiny right here. But really, nothing was going right. And after this point things continued to get worse. The doctor's office I went to gave me really bad care and meds that only made my problems worse. I went through the run around with doctors and receptionists, false information and major stress trying to sort things out. 

I prayed for help during this entire time, and all I was getting was more questions. No answers. No answers with the health problems. More seclusion. Much more pain. 

With it came more commitment and exertion to do what I was supposed to be doing. I'll be honest, my reading of the scriptures and church materials have slacked. I am really bad at the whole time management thing. So I tried to be better about reading more than just the night before D&C class. 

But then things started to become more clear. Trials still came but my lesson was starting to be learned. I got a letter from a close friend on a mission. Missionary letters always come right when you need them. Always. This is why you should right them. 

Anyway I had told my friend I was struggling with things, but hadn't gone into much detail. She asked what was going on and what she could do to help. But she didn't know that the end of the letter was the help that I really needed. She said to always look at your blessings, and to recognize God's hand in your life. 

Did I implement this in my life right away? No. Most times I have to learn the hard way. A couple of weeks later the PA that I was seeing from my doctors office decided to just try putting me on a pain pill to see if my body will just heal itself. On my way to go pick up the medication I got slightly distracted in traffic and, well, didn't see the car in front of me stopping until it was a tad late. I barely rear ended him. But there wasn't any visible damage. This is the miracle though. When we got out of the car, I told the guy I hit that it was his choice of what to do. He looked at his car and said, it didn't do anything, got in his car and drove away. That was a major relief. OHH AND I got a job that day too. This was turning out to be one of my first good days in a long time.

Then later that night, the new pain pill did some really weird things to me. Really weird. My mom, the wise woman she is, recommended getting a priesthood blessing. She had been telling me this for weeks, and finally I listened. I was going to just schedule a time with my bishop for a blessing. But then things got bad and I just walked out of my room, looked at my roommate's fiancé and asked him for a blessing. And even though we kind of struggle with each other, he right away said yes and got a chair. The blessing was another miracle in my life that day. While it was a blessing of healing, he didn't say anything about me getting better. Rather he said exactly what I needed to hear. He told me that Heavenly Father is aware of me and that he knows I am doing my best to be righteous. Then he gave me the advice I needed to hear to make me spiritually strong. 

Ok, maybe what I wanted to hear was, you're going to get answers and get better. But that isn't what I needed to hear. I was told how to best get through this difficult time in my life. It calmed me down and allowed me to get a little bit of sleep, I was going to need it for the next day and its struggles. 

The moral of this story is, no matter how much you may think that God has abandoned you and has forgotten you, He is always there every step of the way. He knows what you need and gives you exactly that, when you live righteously and do those things that qualify you for His blessings. He knows you. He knows you better than you know yourself. He knows what you need in every moment. He is waiting to pour out His blessings and give you what you need. Be patient, trust in His timing. Sometimes it takes a lot of things going wrong, for you to finally realize all that is actually going right. Life isn't meant to be a bed of roses. If it were, we wouldn't grow, learn and become the people that we were intended to be. 

Yes my life has been hard lately. And sometimes it really sucks. But as soon as I think that, that is when I know I am doing something wrong. I am becoming better when it is hard. I am learning. And I know things aren't going to get all better really fast. To be honest, I am expecting them to get worse. But that is because I am still learning. I have things that I need to gain from these experiences. It is just time for me to suck it up, dig in, do what I can and endure. 

"I myself will...be in their midst"

So the great thing about my school is that we have religion classes that we attend. Yes they are required but they are always my favorite by far. And let's be real, I will be going far beyond the requirements. Despite the fact I already have too many credits. They're just so good!

This semester is the Doctrine and Covenants. I have always had a hard time reading this book of scripture, but that's because I didn't really read it. More of I let my eyes travel over the words and pick up a hint or two of what the message was. This time through though...fantastic. That is the only way that I can describe it. Fantastic. How lucky are we to have a book a scripture for our time, from our time. That comes directly from the mouth of the Lord himself. I just can't get over it.

So today I was reading sections 30-34. Wonderful passages. So much good things there. But right now I want to focus on one section. One verse. And actually, one phrase. D&C 32:3

"I myself will go with them and be in their midst; and I am their advocate with the Father, and nothing shall prevail against them."

Ok I accidentally lied. Two phrases. But what is one without the other? Putting that aside, why do I think this is so wonderful? Well, let's put it this way:

Have you ever felt loneliness? Not I am the only one in the room loneliness. Like deep, lasting I am the only person on this planet who is with me, and I don't even want to be with myself. I am my only friend and invisible to everyone else on the planet. Never felt that way? Man are you lucky and make sure to keep it that way. But I am pretty sure I can say the vast majority of people have felt that way. I have felt it several times in my life. In fact I was dangerously close to feeling it again recently. 

But here is the deal. We are not alone. I talk a lot about each of us has our own divine purpose for existing. There is a work that only YOU can do, the way YOU do it. But just because we each have our own unique purpose, doesn't mean we do it alone. "I myself will go with them." Christ walks with us. We are never alone, unless we turn from Him (but I'll talk about that in a minute).

We are asked to do hard things in our lives. But that doesn't mean that I have to be strong enough to carry that load by myself. Christ has carried that load for us. In Gethsemane, during his Atonement. He will walk with us. But we have to turn to Him. We can walk alone, but trust me, you don't make it far. This life can be very difficult. That is why Christ suffered for us. So that we don't have to bear it alone. He knows exactly how much of the load to carry so that we get stronger and make it through our afflictions and struggles. 

Walk with the Savior. It makes all of the difference. I can testify of this because I have both walked with Him and away from Him. Trust me, the latter sucks. And you don't have to do it. He is there. He wants us to come to Him. If you feel Him far away, it isn't Him that walked away. "I myself will go with them and be in their midst." He is in your midst. Do the work that it takes to get to Him. It may seem like hard work. But what easy thing is worth having? 

The Butterfly Circus

So last night was an interesting and wonderful experience. Something that our church emphasizes is getting together with your family once a week to have an activity in which the members uplift each other and learn more about this wonderful gospel. It's called family home evening. Typically, it happens on Mondays, but they can be any day of the week. Well when you're at school and single, you don't exactly have a family to do this with. Not to make us feel left out, the ward assigns FHE groups. We have assigned girl and guy leaders, loving called the FHE dad and mom. 

Last night was Monday, meaning it was FHE night. We got to go to the home of one of our ward leaders and have a lesson there. With a little bit of a mixup, a lesson wasn't planned, so it fell to our FHE dad to come up with a lesson on the spot. By one of the best on the spot lessons I have ever had...or even one of the best lessons I have ever had.

He talked about a message by President Uchtdorf, called Saints for All Seasons. It is a wonderful talk about how we have different seasons of our lives. Jarrett brought up the point that we don't want to have a constant season of all happiness and spiritualness. There is very little growth during that time. It is during the difficult seasons that we do the most growth. 

He also talked about a principle, using Michael Phelps as an example. How much work does Michael Phelps put into swimming? He has taken very little days off, working hard to become the best. But he wasn't always at that point. He went through different levels of learning how to swim. First he had to master floating without drowning. Then he had to begin learning the aspects of a certain stroke. All the way up to now working hours a day to only become half of a second faster in his next race. He is now to the point where he has to constantly work at the little things to be the best.

The same is with our spiritual ability. We have to learn how to first feel the Holy Spirit and to recognize it. Then to know it's promptings. To act upon the promptings. All the way up to knowing the scriptures, being able to bear testimony of it, and listen to the personal revelation that we can receive daily. This comes during our seasons and trials of life. We have to learn how to rely on the Lord, to use the atonement to receive strength, and listen to the Holy Ghost to know what it is that we need to do next.

After this discussion he had a wonderful thought to share with us a powerful movie, called

The Butterfly Circus.

He then related how the parts of the movie relate to the Atonement.

Who is the limbless man? Us

Who is the circus master? Christ

Sometimes when we are having difficulty and all we can do is cry out for help, he says to us that we can manage. Then when we exert effort, we learn how to swim. He is there helping us along to gain confidence and belief in ourselves. Then he knows when to step back and watch us turn into butterflies.

What does the butterfly represent? Well there are several answers. Jarrett's was true conversion. Once a caterpillar is a butterfly, it can't go back. When we are truly converted to the gospel, we have no desire to go back to where we were. We only want to go forward in faith.

I personally thought of freedom and happiness that comes from the gospel. We are limited when we aren't doing what the gospel asks of us. But when we have changed our ways and became faithful and true to our beliefs, that is when we are truly free and happy. Like a butterfly.

It's all just so good!

Ok so this is just the second of what will likely be many posts about my Doctrine and Covenants class. BECAUSE IT IS ALL JUST SO GOOD! 

Today's reading were sections 6-9. They all discuss receiving revelation and the answers to prayers. PERFECT for me. On any day. Today though I absolutely fell in love with section 6.

This summer I worked for an awesome program called Retreat for Girls. It is a camp for girl's ages 12-15 that focuses on how to help them have faith and how to incorporate God in their lives. It is given from an LDS faith, but is for any and all girls. During my time there, I discovered verses 33-37. They helped me throughout the rough patches of being a counselor. As well to give advice to my friends on missions who were having a difficult time.

These verses are just so perfect. Don't believe me? Let me share them with you:

"Fear not to do good, my sons, for whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap; therefore, if ye sow good ye shall also reap good for your reward. Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail. Behold, I do not condemn you; go your ways and sin no more; perform with soberness the work which I have commanded you. Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not. Behold the wounds which pieced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet; be faithful, keep my commandments, and ye shall inherit the kingdom of heaven. Amen."

If this doesn't give you motivation, then read it until it does. I assure you that those words came from the Lord himself, and he knows how to encourage us to do what it is that we need to do. Fear not to do good. You will never regret it. 

So these were ones that I already knew about and the rediscovery renewed my motivation and courage that I had already received from these verses.

What I really wanted to focus on are verses 8 through 13. Again marvelous words full of glorious goodness. When I read these verses, I circled the action words that Joseph and Oliver were asked to do in order to receive the revelation that they were looking for. Again doing so I applied them to myself. The actions included:

Desire

Keep my commandments

Remember

Inquire

Exercise thy gift

Do good

Hold out faithful

Why are these things so essential to receiving answers to our questions?

Desire: You can't just expect the revelation that you need to know right then is just magically going to come. You have to desire to know the truth that you need. Have a question. It isn't just going to come without you desiring it to come. 

Keep my commandments: Revelation comes through the Holy Ghost. He can only dwell in holy temples and holy places. Meaning if you aren't worthy, his words will not come. If you are doing things you aren't supposed to, then the revelation you seek cannot come. You must live worthy of the spirit.

Remember: remember that it is the Lord that can answer your questions. Turn to him, the source of truth, rather than those that do not have the truth. As shown in this video:

Inquire: This goes back to this video as well. You have to ask. It doesn't just come

Exercise thy gift: This is the gift of the Holy Ghost. For those that are members of the LDS church, we have the Holy Spirit with us wherever we go. We have to utilize that gift. Rely on his promptings and act upon them. They can be answers to our questions. If you aren't a member, you can still receive promptings and feelings from the Holy Ghost. Pay special attention to ideas that don't seem to come from you. That can be guidance from our friend.

Do good: This is more than just keeping the ten commandments. It is seeking to help those around you. Serving others is a great way to receive answers. I know this from experience.

Hold out faithful: This is the most important and difficult piece to the revelation puzzle. Hold out faithful. Heavenly Father doesn't always answer right away. But he DOES answer. Keep the faith during that time, and you will without a doubt receive it.

Revelation is such a key to this life. I have come to love and truly rely on the promptings of the Holy Spirit. I know that it has saved me, brought me peace, answered a difficult question, stopped me from making dumb mistakes and much much more. It is such an important part of my life. If it isn't in yours, I encourage you to do these things so that you too can have it in your life. 

He Knows What's Up and Exactly What We Need

So with the beginning of the semester at BYU comes a new and interesting religion class. This semester I am taking Doctrine and Covenants, which is modern day revelation from God about the organization of His true church. Such a fantastic class. Seriously though. I have been in this class two days and I have already learned so much. 

Today I read Sections 3 and 10. These sections came in response to the lost 116 pages of the Book of Mormon. I just thought it was going to two chapters of thinking "Oh! You've been chastised!" Totally not true. I mean, yes there is chastisement in there, but it also has some fantastic things to apply. My second assumption was that I was going to really connect with section 10 because of the awesome verse 5. Which was true, but what I wasn't expecting was the tremendous words inside section 3. SO MUCH GOODNESS!!! Have I told you how much I love the scriptures? Because I do. A LOT!

D&C 3:4- "For although a man may have many revelations, and have power to do many mighty works, yet if he boasts in his own strength, and sets at naught the counsels of God, and follows after the dictates of his own will and carnal desires, he must fall and incur the vengeance of a just God upon him."

Wow. All of those hard times that I thought I made it through on my own. Yeah right! This explains how I would just dig myself a deeper hole somedays. If there is one thing that I have learned these past couple of years, it is that I can do nothing without Him. Well I can, but it really is so much better to pass through this life with Heavenly Father by my side. I feel much like Ammon in Alma 26:12 when he said, "I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God." I cannot say that I have anything to credit to my name. It is our dear Heavenly Father who made the work happen, I was just a tool in His hand.

Don't believe how great He is? See verses 7&8 of section 3, then try it. You will definitely see.

Verses 9-11 of section 3 are what struck me the most. My favorite way to apply the scriptures in the D&C is to insert my own name. So verse 9: "Behold, thou art [Beth], and thou wast chosen to do the work of the Lord..." Well this is fantastic new. I have been chosen to do the work of the Lord. We all have been chosen to do His work. We each have a unique role in which only we can do. But here is the rest of the verse that is the condition, "...but because of transgression, if thou art not aware thou wilt fall."

We are going to make mistakes. That is inevitable. I personally probably make 35 a day. On a good day. However, I do my best to always stay righteous. Do I fall now and then? Yes, but I get up as fast as possible. The point that this scripture is saying that we need to be aware of the mistakes that could disqualify us from doing the work we have been called to do. If we are sensitive to the spirit, we will feel the Holy Ghost us stopping us from making serious mistakes. Following such promptings will allow to maintain worthy to accomplish our individual missions in carrying out the work of the Lord.

What if you have disqualified yourself? See verse 10. "But, remember, God is merciful: therefore, repent of that which thou hast done which is contrary to the commandment which I gave you, and thou are still chose and art again called to the work." Repent of your mistakes. He will call us again to the work. 

It is my testimony that each of us have been given unique gifts and talents to assist us in the work that we were called to do. When we turn to Heavenly Father, together we can accomplish this work. To be an instrument in His hands is wonderful experience, something that I will always cherish. Follow the promptings of the spirit and two things will happen. We will not be lead astray and we will discover what the work is that He has in store for us. There are amazing things that each of us will do. Don't give up that opportunity for a few minutes of pleasure. 

Lessons from the Prophets

So it's been one of those weeks. And it has only added on to it being one of those years. This weekend I had a great opportunity that I expected to be the light at the end of the tunnel. And it was. Well it was actually the light in the middle of the tunnel and it was super dark before and after. As I was waiting in line for this experience, it dumped rain on me. It finished putting me into some despair. I am not sure why at the moment I felt like that. I had been protected and watched out for the whole way, but the increasing load blinded me. During this brief moment of despair I felt like I was losing everything that I had going right in my life. Again, I am not sure why, because it wasn't true. Anyway, the thought came out of nowhere that I need to study the story of Job.

Then I remembered an experience a couple of years ago during high school. I had begun reading the Book of Mormon over again. The best part about reading it, is it starts with one of my favorite characters and stories, Nephi. His story came alive so vividly to me this time around. The reason why? I felt exactly like him. No I didn't move across unknown seas. No, I definitely was not called to be a prophet or to lead my people. But I was living among some really wicked people. My high school was filled with people who had lost their way, or didn't know how to find the way. And to then add to it, I realized that I was called to be an example to my older siblings. I felt the pressure to be righteous. My Heavenly Father was teaching me the importance of how to apply the scriptures to my own life. I related to Nephi and so his words became that much more meaningful to me. 

Now here I am. 19 years old and it is my second year at BYU. And Heavenly Father is teaching me yet another important story from the scriptures. Apparently the way I learn is by having to see it myself. Some what unfortunate but I am and will forever be grateful for these lessons He is teaching me. 

So today I started my journey of learning about the story of Job, and how I can apply his story to me. I began it by reading a conference talk given by Elder Robert D. Hales entitled Examples from the Life of a Prophet. The fantastic thing about this talk is that he discusses a modern day Job. A real person that I can follow the example of so much easier. And that is President Kimball.

Elder Hales discusses the three great tests that we will likely face at some point in our lives. They are:

1. Temporal Setbacks

2. Physical Illness

3. Depression

Now I will admit, that when I read this, I felt as though I am experiencing a little bit of each of these at once. Obviously not to the extent that either Job or President Kimball felt. But in the Beth scale amount. So this talk was definitely what I needed to read today. 

Elder Hales says that the greatest lesson from these two story is that "in all this Job [or President Kimball] sinned not, nor charges God foolishly." Job 1:22 

One of my favorite ways to apply the scriptures is to insert my own name. I can only imagine how amazing it would be to be able to right in my journal, "In all this [Beth] sinned not, nor charged God foolishly." In some ways, this time around I can say this. However, I know that I still have a long way to come and that I didn't do it perfectly. How can Beth improve? I am so glad that you asked because, Elder Hales covers this as well. Using the example of President Kimball the way to go is to hold strong to your integrity and testimony and sing praises of the Lord throughout trials. We can do it. Hold on despite despair. Be grateful for the trial placed before you. Don't try to go alone, but recognize that you need Heavenly Father's help. 

Ok. I can do those things. Is there anything else? Reach for the one. Think of the needs of everyone else around you. This is the hard part for me. I can pray and ask for help no problem. I KNOW that I have no ability to make it through this life alone. And I can be grateful. I KNOW that when I receive small inspired thoughts, a stranger reach out, an unexpected visit with a friend, or a perfectly timed letter from missionary friend that they are sent from God. That they are for me and what I need. I can even hold to my testimony now. I KNOW that it isn't punishment for me to go through these trials, but rather love. Love that molds me into what I need to become. However, I have struggles with forgetting myself and serving those around me. I get so locked into wo is ME, help ME, I hurt, send ME love. I forget about how are YOU, what can be done to help THEM, here are cookies for YOU, and a prayer for YOU. On the rare occasion that I do look to help others, it helps me to forget about my problems and relieves the pain and hurt that I feel. 

Elder Hales discussed a time that he was with President Kimball and health concerns for the Prophet arose. President Kimball's response was "What I am afraid of is that I will meet the Savior and he will say 'You could have done better.'" How amazing for a prophet of God to say that. I hope and am working toward adopting that same attitude. Giving all I can to the one. Focusing on what I can offer others, rather than what others offer me. 

Another great attitude that comes from President Kimball is his talk "Give Me This Mountain". A wonderful talk to be studied and discussed another time. But it is the attitude of bring it on, I got this that I want to focus on. Rather than running and hiding from the trials that are meant to mold and shape us into the people that we want to become, embrace them and say, "You and me, Heavenly Father. We got this."

Give me this mountain, Heavenly Father. I know that with thee I can do all things. I know that the comfort thou hast given me during this time in my life has been as monumental as the trials that I am called to pass through at this time. I wish to not sin or charge thee foolishly. Give me this mountain, because I know thou will give me the walking stick and strength I need it.

Beautiful Heartbreak

Ok, I know I have been a slacker lately. But I have been on vacation with my family for a week. Sorry. 

Anyway, very recent events have gotten me to thinking about the difficulties in our lives and why challenges and trials arise. I learned a long time ago that everything has a time, place and reason for happening. And while we may have one idea, it is Heavenly Father's plan for each of us that is happens. It is up to us to align our will with His. When we do that, we have better abilities to handle the trials that are placed before us. Life doesn't get easier when we are righteous. But we have the strength to handle the hard times when we walk hand in hand with God. 

Still though. Sometimes He throws us curve balls. It isn't because he hates us, is angry with us, bored or neglecting us. In fact it is just the opposite. It is because he loves us. He sees the potential that we have to become amazing people. However, we cannot reach that potential when life is easy. The hard times helps us to learn to rely on the strength that Christ can offer us. We need to learn very important lessons that can help us to make positive changes, these come best through difficult times. It also tests our faith, helping us to increase it and strengthen our knowledge even more. Yes, it is difficult. But we can get through it, when we trust in the Lord.

It is said best in this song:

It is entitled Beautiful Heartbreak by Hilary Weeks. She says it best. When we climb the mountain, we see the view that we could not see before. And when we do that we will not trade it for anything else.

"Prayer is not a negotiation process. It is an alignment process."

When I was younger, I really struggled with the habit of praying regularly. Now that I have gotten older, I am in a better habit of praying, but now the struggle is focusing and saying meaningful prayers. I have really noticed the past couple of weeks how bad I have gotten and the true need to fix it. So my study today, and will be for a while, is how to make them more meaningful. It is fantastic and amazing how much material there is to help us have better communion with Heavenly Father.

The first thing that I found was an idea list from the Jan 2001 New Era. It had great ideas from youth as to how to make prayer more meaningful. The one that I loved said in order to maintain focus it is best to ponder your day and what you will pray about beforehand. For me, it is really easy to just get in a habit of saying the things that I am grateful for and things that I want to see happen over and over again. I truly am grateful for those things and I strongly want those blessings, but at the same time, I have said them so much in the same way, that it is no longer meaningful and I say them without thinking. It is better to take the time to think about what I want to say, then pray. It's ok I repeat gratitude or desired blessings, but I need to say it the fifth time with the same attitude I had when I said it the first time. If I don't, then it becomes a vain repetition. 

There was also a scripture mentioned that stood out to me. It is Matthew 6:8. It is during the Lord's Sermon on the Mount, when He is talking about the importance of prayer and how to pray. What stands out specifically in this verse is the phrase "your Father knoweth what things you have need of, before ye ask them." At first it is easy to ask, if he already knows, then why do I ask? When we ask, we acknowledge that all things come through Him, and we can't do it without Him. In an article in the June 2013 Ensign Elder Pearson stated that "Prayer is not a negotiation process. It is an alignment process." Coming humbly, with sincere heart to Heavenly Father, acknowledging His hand in all things, asking for His divine strength and help is what will truly bring blessings. It would be nice if He just gave us the blessings that we need, and sometimes He does. However, if that were to happen all of the time, we wouldn't be able to experience the growth and humility that is needed and comes when we plead for His help. We would forget about Him and think that all of our numerous blessings came from ourselves, rather than give credit to who truly gave it. We would then feel as though we had no reason to pray. How sad would that be? We would be as small children. Unable to do anything for ourselves, taking all from our parents, who give us all, and giving nothing in return. Hence, the reason why we pray. 

I know without a doubt that our Heavenly Father wants to hear from us. He loves to hear from us. Just as our parents love the call home while we are gone. Just as our friends love to catch up during a separation, He wants us to tell Him what is going on in our lives. He wants us to express our gratitude, so that we are humble and know that we can go through this life with Him. He wants us to sincerely ask Him for blessings. As I have learned of these things, I feel a strong and sincere desire to make my prayers better. To have a true conversation with Him. I don't like it when my friends go through the motions and have a superficial conversation with me. I don't want to do that with Him any longer. I will ponder what I want to say to Him before I pray, so that I can stay focused better. It will be a struggle at first. But I know that as I continue the habit, I know that it will become easier and that my relationship with my Heavenly Father will be so much better because of it.

Foundations

Today I studied a talk given by Bishop David M. Davies entitled A Sure Foundation given in the last session of General Conference. For those who don't know what General Conference is, our church has a conference every April and October where we sustain our leaders and hear inspired messages from them. In this talk, Bishop Davies told a story of an earthquake that he experienced and the importance of foundations were during that time. He then taught how we can apply that to our own lives. 

Bishop Davies quoted an awesome verse from the Book of Mormon, Helaman 5:12, that says, "And now my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his might storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are build, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."

Within this verse and talk, the phrase sure foundation was repeated. I thought it was so interesting that the foundation must be sure. Not okay, not enough to meet code or pass inspection, but a sure foundation. The Savior gave a parable to help illustrate what a sure foundation is. It can be found in Matthew 7:24-27. A sure foundation is a rock. Above we learned that the rock that we can build our lives is Christ. What is the sand that we must avoid?

Sand is constantly changing. Shifting, it moves how the water moves it, and squishes under the feet of those that walk on it. So is our world today. Standards, what is "in", popular media and other things that seem to be so important in today's world are constantly changing. They move with the decisions of who is famous. Good standards are squished with the decaying public opinion. The good in the world is slowly slipping away. The world is the sand that we can build our foundation. 

I'd like to point out a key word from the first verse that I shared. When. The first says When the devil shall send for his mighty winds. It isn't if it comes. When it comes. Unfortunately, part of this life is to experience the hard storms of life. We are to learn and to be tested. When these storms come we have two options. We can be built upon the moveable sand and be washed away. Or we can be built on the rock of Christ and be immoveable in the hard times. 

2 Timothy 2:19 states that "the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are His." Our "sure" foundation is God. And He knows us and will send us the exact strength that we will need to survive the storms of life. How do we develop this sure foundation? Bishop Davies said, "Faith, repentance, baptism, the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end are part of the 'blueprints' of life. They help form the appropriate building blocks that will anchor our lives to the Atonement of Christ. These shape and frame the supporting structure of of a person's life. Then,...specifications...give detailed instructions about how to form and integrate essential components, praying, reading scriptures, partaking of the sacrament, and receiving essential priesthood ordinances become the 'specifications' that help integrate and bind together the structure of life." Doing all of these things, being consistent in our prayer, scripture study and partaking of the sacrament, builds our foundation strong and sure.

On a family trip the Oregon Coast, I saw this picture

The storms will come. If we build on a sure foundation, like this lighthouse is, we will be able survive the storm and be safe, as the man will be. If we are built on the sand of the world, we will be dragged down  to the gulfs of misery and endless wo. 

Stay strong my friends. Through Christ, we can make it.