Grateful month *Warning…really long post*

So there is this bandwagon that goes by every November that more and more people jump on.

That is the grateful a day bandwagon. 

Don't get me wrong I love the idea of finding something everyday to be grateful for. I am just uncomfortable with and don't often have the time to post something every day on Facebook that I am grateful for. But I still wanted to do it, so I am just going to post all of the things that I am grateful for….all at once. Enjoy!

Day 1: I am grateful for all of the angels that the Lord has blessed me with in my life. He knows just who to place in my life when. Most specifically, today I am grateful for my former roommate Esther. She emulates all that that name implies. She took in an 18 year old that didn't know anything about the world or how to be social and taught her. She still continues to take care of me and has truly become someone that I look up to and try become like. She is a true example of Christ. She may never see this, but I want the world to know, I am grateful for the circumstances that brought us to be roommates. And for a Heavenly Father who thinks enough of me to place someone like her in my life.

Day 2: I am grateful to be tested. I took a ridiculously hard test today. I studied for over 15 hours (on a midterm!) and still only came out getting the answers right to three quarters of the test. While I learned that I need to understand how to study more effectively, I am grateful to be tested. It helps me to learn and grow and feel a sense of accomplishment that I didn't fail. I am also grateful for the Holy Ghost who kept me calm and guided me through the test so I could at least attempt to answer the questions to the best of my ability without completely freaking out.

Day 3: I am grateful for inspired priesthood leaders and teachers. I am grateful that the Lord uses other people to address our problems and concerns. How wonderful it is that he uses other people to accomplish his work of addressing something that we have difficulty with. I had been struggling with my roommates who had been making choices that didn't occur to them as being wrong or inconsiderate. Today in stake conference, our stake president addressed that concern specifically. Right on the dot. Now the hope is for my roommates to have listened.

Day 4: I am grateful for work. I am grateful for the chance to work, for a job and for the opportunity I have to learn from that job. I honestly don't know very well what I am doing in this job. But I am excited to learn and to do my best at it.

Day 5: I am grateful for second chances. You know that test I talked about on day 2? Yeah well it was important that I got a good grade on it. You see I did poorly on the first test in that class. And in order to still pull a good grade, I had to consistently do well on all of the following tests. Which is why I studied and stressed so much over the test. Because I didn't do as well as I needed again, that meant I had to do ridiculously well on the last midterm and final. Something that just seemed out of my reach. BUT overall the class did poorly on the test and so the teacher curved the test 10 percentage points. Giving me a second (ok third) chance at a grade that will help me get into grad school.

I am also grateful that I forgot to lock my trunk forever ago. That way I could get my keys out of my locked car that still had the lights on. And I didn't have to call my roommate to come save me. THAT would have been embarrassing.

Day 6: I am grateful that I still fit children's clothing…and shoes. Now you may be saying, but Beth, how is that God's hand in your life? Because He made me. And when He did, He knew that I was going to need to buy clothing for a new job and want good quality. But the quality that I wanted comes with a huge price. He knew all of this, so He made me to fit the largest children's sizes so that I can knock $20 off of my price. Should I just learn to have cheap brands? Maybe. But He knew I just don't have that in me yet, and so He is helping me to learn how to afford things on my own. Being an adult is hard. But it doesn't mean I have to learn how to be one by myself.
Day 7: Today I am grateful for hard things. That may not make sense for all of the complaining that I have been doing, but I really am grateful for them. If everything were easy, life wouldn't be enjoyable and I wouldn't learn. Right now I am learning hard work, how to balance and juggle (figuratively), and how to learn something that I really don't understand. And I am so grateful to learn it. Oh and I am grateful for a job too. That's really nice.
Day 8: I am grateful for the power of music. Lately I have been finding songs that fit perfectly to how I am feeling. When I connect with a song it feels like it releases something within me. It pulls out the pain and struggle within me and helps me to deal with the problem that I am facing. Usually, I turn to exercise when I am dealing with a problem. But when for some reason exercise isn't an option, I turn to music. I can't play it very well, but the words, melodies, beats and rhythms are like friends that are there reaching out and helping me up when I get knocked down. I know it sounds truly weird, but that is how it works. I'm not sure how to describe it. I am grateful that the Lord blessed me with two releases during my struggles and is right now blessing me with wonderful music to help me when exercise is difficult to do right now.
Day 9: Today I am grateful for my dear, wonderful Dad. He and I may have our struggles together. Ok, mostly I am a selfish brat and so I treat him like crap (I'm not saying that is ok. And I promise that I am trying to work on it). But I am truly grateful for the wonderful man that he is. He taught me how to work, do things for myself, how to see a need and fill it, and how to enjoy the simple things in life. Today is a big birthday for him. I know that he is feeling is age and not excited about being this old, but he is a wonderful example and I love him dearly.
Day 10: I am grateful for callings and the chance to serve. Today I taught relief society, and while the lesson was cut short, I am grateful for the chance to study the materials and to come to better understand the principles of the gospel taught by the wonderful leaders of this church, present and past.
Day 11: I am grateful for those who sacrificed so much to serve our country. Some gave their lives, some gave up their families and watching their children grow, others gave limbs and their mental state. This country is amazing and truly the land of promise. I am grateful for those who fight to protect all that it stands for. I am grateful to live in this country and enjoy the blessings and freedoms that we have here. I know I take it for granted too often. But I am still extremely grateful. I am especially grateful for two brothers-in law and a cousin who have made that sacrifice.
Day 12: Today I am grateful for my body. It has kind of been rebelling lately but I have decided to fight through the pain and try to return to normal as much as possible. This included fighting through the pain and working out. Today I went to the gym and did a normal work out. And boy, am I happy that I get to do that again. I have truly missed pushing myself to my limits and to continually get better. And yes, I have even missed being sore after a work out. I am truly grateful that I have a body that can work out and the motivation and ability to push myself to my limits.
Day 13: I am grateful for being blessed with a high pain tolerance. I went in for a CT scan today to see if we could get any answers about what's going on with me. Well CT scans aren't supposed to hurt. And they don't…the scan part. But they had to inject an indicator in my body on the second scan. And guess who was blessed with the gift of small veins? Me. So the poor lady trying to get the indicator in me couldn't get it in. So she had to get someone else after several tries. And she had to try a couple of times as well before they finally caught the vein (apparently my love for rolling around goes down to the cellular level). They finally got it in. Then they did a scan without the injection, then they injected the scan. Well I now have a better appreciation for people who get hooked up to IVs regularly. That wasn't my favorite experience. But I am grateful for my high pain threshold as well as the angels that had to have been giving my strength throughout that process. I am so blessed.
Day 14: I am grateful to be learning. When Esther and I were working on homework today we discussed about how sometimes we are amazed by the work we are doing. I was going to take a picture of a problem we worked on in class and send it to my sister with a joke in there. Then I realized that she wouldn't have gotten it. Not because she wasn't smart, but the concepts and the formula is not something that she has been around for a long time…if she has seen it. There are so many amazing things that we are surrounded by. And I am so grateful to be able to learn all about it from some gifted minds. Even if it does give me a headache once in a while.
Day 15: I am extremely grateful for my family. Today was the first time all of my siblings and I had been in the same city since my brother graduated 3 and a half years ago. Each one of them is the perfect sibling for me. They teach me so much and I learn everyday from them. I am so happy to spend this weekend with them and to be apart of my middle sister's wedding.
Day 16: I am grateful for my new brother-in-law. Watching him today, marrying my sister and all of the festivities afterwards, I realized that my sister married the best guy for her. He knows all of the choices she has made and loves her still the same. He loves her daughter as his own and will be a wonderful father to her. I am so grateful that my sister has found a guy who loves her equally in return and that will do anything for her. I know that he will love her the rest of his life and will take care of her everyday. I couldn't ask for more out of a brother-in-law.
Day 17: I am so grateful for my mother. Today I left home to go back to school and I had a huge breakdown. I cried harder leaving then than the last four times I have left my family to continue on at school. She just held me and let me sob until I could get control of myself. I know my mom loves me with all of her heart and she takes the best care of me. I am so grateful that the Lord thought of me enough to send me to such a wonderful mother.
Day 18: I am grateful for the help the Lord gives. I had a test today that I had no time to study for, due to my sister's wedding this weekend. I got in about three hours of studying before I had no choice, but to go take the test. I prayed so hard for help on this test (as I do every test), this time specifically asking for help to slow down and really read the question and every possible answer. Well I did much better than I expected on this test and I know it was because I had the Lord helping me to slow down and take my time.
Day 19: Today I am grateful for my job and that I am finally figuring it out. I got a job as a basketball ref for the city. They trained us and had a practice, but I felt really overwhelmed, especially since I didn't have time to sit down and really learn and immerse myself in the game and reffing. Today I refereed my first game and while I know there are a lot of things that I need to improve on, I was pleasantly surprised with how well I did. I am glad that I have this chance to learn and that I have a job and am finally starting to earn some money.
Day 20: I am grateful for BYU and all that it is. While I could have gotten an education just about anywhere, I knew that BYU was the place that I needed to be. Even though it was a fantastic education for a low price, what really brought me in was the ability to be around people who had my standards and wanted to keep their standards. Every day I see people who have gone through difficult things and still stay true to the gospel. It helps me to strengthen my testimony and have the desire to continue pushing on.
Day 21: I am grateful for my ancestors, grandparents and parents who accepted the gospel and then raised me in it. I am so happy that I had the opportunity to grow up in the church. That I was constantly surrounded by good people who knew without a doubt of its truth. They taught me how to seek for truth and to gain a testimony of my own. My parents and church leaders didn't brain wash me into being a mormon. They taught me the principles of truth and how to find it on my own. It took me a while to decide that I should find out for myself, but I am so grateful that I did. Now I have the happiness that the gospel brings in my own life.
Day 22: I am grateful for the ability to study. When I graduated high school, I didn't know how to study. Even though I had spent two years in college when I graduated, I never really needed to study. I understood the material enough that I just needed to glance over my notes or think through the processes that I was learning and then I could ace the tests. While I am truly grateful for my brain and the knowledge that I have, I am grateful that I have had this opportunity to learn how to study. I am learning to work for things that I truly desire. No longer are my school courses easy. So now I am learning to have to work for that GPA I want so that I can continue on in school.
Day 23: I am grateful for breaks. No I haven't yet started thanksgiving break, but I finally could take a break from school work. I love learning but sometimes you just need a mental break where you don't need to think. I finally was able to take one today for the first time in a really long time and dang, it felt really nice.
Day 24: I am grateful for personal revelation. I am writing a paper for my D&C class on personal revelation and the subject is fascinating. We aren't given a handbook to life when we are born. We have to figure things out on our own, along with the help of parents, siblings, other family and friends. However, we are also entitled to the guidings of the Holy Spirit. And when we seek earnestly for the answers that we desire, willing to follow up on whatever answer we get, we can receive answers to some of life's hardest decisions. What a great and wonderful opportunity. I am so grateful that I don't have to go through this life lost and alone. That I can receive the guidance and the help that I need to journey through this life on the best paths.
Day 25: Today I am grateful for good friends and family. I am going through some trying times medically and I am so grateful to be surrounded by friends who care about me and are willing to help me. And for family (okay family friends but they're quickly becoming family) who are willing to take care of me and won't judge me as I prepare for some upcoming procedures. I know that Heavenly Father places people in our lives so that we can learn from them and that we can take care of each other. While I try my hardest to be the person taking care of someone, once in a while, you have to be taken care of. And I am so grateful that I am surrounded by people who are willing to.
Day 26: I am grateful for modern medicine. Today I had some tests to see if we can figure out what is going on. While we didn't find out what is going on, we have found more of what it isn't. It fascinates me the abilities that doctors have now to really look through and can get a real hands on look as to what the body looks like and what it is doing. I am grateful to be in this time and age that can do that. Also, being sedated is really fun.
Day 27: I am grateful for the temple. Honestly, I have been really bad about going and doing work, but I have spent a lot of time on the temple grounds really feeling the spirit. I have been troubled with a lot of things going on and the only place that I can close all of those things and feel peace is at the temple. I am so grateful to live in a time where they dot the earth and I live in a place the is temple central. I am also grateful to have a testimony of the temple and how wonderful it is. I don't know how I would get through the hard times without it.

Day 28: I am sincerely grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I am grateful for the knowledge of this great gift so that I can have the strength to make it through the hard times of life. And for the knowledge that I can be forgiven when I screw up. I am grateful that I know about it so that I have the motivation to be my best and the added strength to become even better daily. I am so grateful that our Heavenly Father and our brother Jesus Christ love us so much that they gave us this gift to use daily.
Day 29: I am especially grateful today for quiet. I came home from thanksgiving break and my roommates were all still gone. It was wonderful to be able to get all of my chores and errands done without being in the way or having someone in the way. It helped me to really relax before the insanity that is the end of the semester and finals starts. Also I could really listen to my own thoughts and inspiration much easier and was able to accomplish what I needed to, despite the lack of motivation.
Day 30: I am grateful for the opportunity to fast. Tomorrow is what we call fast sunday. It is when we go without food and water for two meals to receive spiritual strength. This is to help us show our Heavenly Father how deeply we want blessings or answers to our questions. I receive the most answers to my questions when I ask with prayer and fasting. And I am grateful to be able to do it again.

Now being grateful everyday is nothing more than recognizing the Lord's hand in our life daily and thanking him for it. This is something that we should do continually. It brings blessings, it brings peace. Most of all it helps you to realize that your life really isn't awful, despite having struggles. 

I hope to (and I hope you will too) make this a daily habit, not just a once a year during a month thing. His hand is in our lives daily, not just during the month of November. We need to be grateful all of the time. It is great to reflect at the end of the day and say oh yeah, this was when the Lord intervened today.

Of you it is required to forgive all men

Today I was reading D&C 64. It is another section that is packed full of wonderful blessings and principles. But today I reread one of my favorite scriptures in the D&C. And that is verses 9-11, which state:

"Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men. And ye ought to say in your hearts-let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds."

So powerful. 

I used to wonder why I had to forgive everyone. Some people have done some really bad things. They shouldn't be forgiven for that. 

Then I was taught the principle behind the parable of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18:23-35. This parable was given by Christ to illustrate just why we need to forgive everyone, even the people who have done some serious sins.

The summary of this parable is that there is a man who owes a debt that would be impossible to repay. The debt fell due and the man was threatened to lose everything and go to prison until it was repaid. He begged for mercy. And the lender forgave it and sent him on his way. Now for a debt that in no way going to be repaid to be forgiven is astounding. 

When the debtor left the presence of the lender, he found someone who owed him a debt. Now this debt was measly and was next to nothing. Again mercy was pleaded, but this time it wasn't granted and the man was thrown in prison. 

The lender found out about the lack of mercy being extended and called the debtor back into his court. The lender explained that he granted mercy on this huge debt and that he was angry that it wasn't extended on this tiny debt. The mercy extended to the debtor was revoked and the man was thrown into prison.

When I was younger I thought that this was just a story of a guy who was dumb and didn't see the great blessing he received. Which is true. But there is so much more to it.

Each and every one of us owes a huge debt to the Lord. We have wronged him every time we sin and break a covenant. Needless to say, we sin daily and have removed ourself far from His presence. Whenever we repent of a sin, we are pleading for mercy on a debt that is absolutely enormous. And He grants it to us.

Now when someone wrongs us, it is small in comparison. I'm not trying to diminish the trouble and pain that you are going through, but I assure, we have done worse to the Lord. Now if He extends His mercy on a huge debt, shouldn't we extend mercy to a small debt? Or would we rather be thrown out of His presence forever?

Let me illustrate this with a personal example. When I was younger I was the queen of holding grudges. And that is nothing to be proud of. But I slowly learned to let things roll off my back. It was a hard road but I learned. My junior year in high school, evidence came to light that a man had severely wronged and hurt a member of my family. And it had been going on for years. I was there when all that had happened was reported to make action against him begin. 

It was so easy to be angry with him. All that happened made me sick to my stomach, and I didn't even fully understand what happened until a year and a half later. But I was so angry that someone could do something that horrific, let alone to a member of my family that I loved and cared for. My mom was there also and was experiencing the same struggles. A couple of days later we asked for a priesthood blessing. In that blessing my mom and I were both told to let the anger go and seek to give the best support throughout this trial. And that's exactly what I did. After that blessing I received the help to forgive him. I no longer hated him. In fact I felt sorrow for him and how little he knew that he thought that doing this action was okay. 

Now I don't profess to be perfect at forgiving. Because I am not. But I do know that it is possible to forgive others. Even the ones that do horrible things that seem unforgivable. "Ye ought to say- let God judge between me and thee and reward thee according to thy deeds." It isn't our place to hold anything against people. It is God that ultimately decides what it is that is forgivable and unforgivable. 

A much better example is this man:

It is possible. Release yourself of the pain and struggle to carry grudges. Be free and allow others to be free as well.

Overcomer

My friend just posted this on Facebook. It is a wonderful video. And fits perfectly with my last couple of posts.

"How to Succor Them Who are Tempted"

D&C 62:1 states "Behold, and hearken,…saith the Lord your God, even Jesus Christ, your advocate, who knoweth the weakness of man and how to succor them that are tempted."

He then goes on to say some very wonderful things and give great blessings. This section is full of wonderful things that you really should take the time to study out and really learn. But what I want to focus on is how He is our advocate, He knows out weaknesses and knows how to succor us that are tempted.

I have talked a lot lately about how He gives us the strength through trials and difficulties because He has been there before. I have a strong deep testimony that Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior knows has felt every pain, sadness, trial, temptation and sin for each and every one of us. He suffered not only to allow us to be back in the presence of our Heavenly Father, but He also suffered so that we wouldn't be alone. He knows perfectly where we have been so that He knows perfectly how to help us. 

He knows our weaknesses. We have them to us so that we can be humble and learn how to make them strong (Ether 12:27). Do we have to learn how to make our weaknesses alone? No. We could try. But how easy is it for an addict to become clean by themselves? Not very. He knows perfectly so that we do not have to work hard alone. We don't have to fail. We just need to turn to Christ.

He knows how to succor them that are tempted. Have you ever made a batch of chocolate chip cookies for an activity and have some left over? They just sit there. Calling your name. Enticing you to just have one bite. Every time you pass them in the kitchen, you can hear your name just a little bit louder until you finally succumb. Then the next thing you know, the extra ten cookies are gone. You could say that they were tempting. How do you keep yourself from eating the ten extra delectable goodness? Well there are many strategies, but my favorite is to just not have them. I try to give them away. Or just not bake them in the first place. Now I'm not saying that chocolate chip cookies are bad. They are wonderful. Whenever I am feeling nostalgic or depressed, trust me, it hits the spot. But we have temptations that we really have a hard time with. It may be chocolate chip cookies. Or saying biting remarks as retaliation. Or pornography. There are lots of things out there, sitting there, calling our name, getting louder each time we pass. And we pass them all the time. We don't have to try to resist by ourselves. 

Christ is there, ready to help us say no to temptations. He will be the person in our ear saying, "You don't really want that cookie." That may not be actually what happens, but He really will be that added extra strength that we need to resist temptation. There is a scripture in the New Testament that says that we won't be tempted above that which we will be able to bear (1 Corinthians 10:13). But it doesn't exactly say how. Alma 13:28 gives the exact key. Humble yourselves before the Lord. Call on His holy name. 

It is my testimony that He truly is there. He wants to help us. I know I talk about this a lot but I just want to shout it out from the rooftops that I know. I KNOW that this life doesn't have to be as hard as we make it out to be. If we turn to the strength of Christ, we will have the ability to make it through all of the difficult things that we are asked to pass through in this life.

Why bad things happen to good people

When I was in high school I really struggled with something. I felt like no matter how hard I tried to be good, bad things still happened to me. Looking back at it, that wasn't really the case, but it appeared to me at the time. 

My first year at school, it became worse. Winter semester I went through trial after trial, difficulty after difficulty all while I was doing my absolute best to be as righteous as possible. And when I asked if I could serve a mission, I was shut down. Meanwhile I looked at my sister who made some hard choices and fell from the church. Sometimes she made baby steps back to church, other times she stepped further from the church. And yet, she got everything she wanted. Right away, she got into a school program that had year long waiting list. She got her dream job straight out of school. She was living for free at my parents house. Everything seemed to fall out of my lap and into hers. And I could not possibly imagine why that could be.

I spent my whole life learning that when you're righteous, you get blessings. When you aren't righteous, you lose those blessings you could have had. But then I found myself wondering, well then why am I having the hardest time, but doing my best to be righteous? Where are my blessings?

Now I was also taught that just because you were righteous, doesn't mean life was going to be easy. You will just have access to and the faith to be the blessings that you need to get through your hard difficulties. And I totally understand that.

Then why was it that my sister was getting everything she wanted? 

But really, she didn't get everything she wanted. She is dealing with the consequences of her actions and will for the rest of her life. 

The lesson here is that blessings come when you need it. 

Our Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need when we need it. My sister is dealing with hard things that make life really difficult for her. So she needed those things that she had dreamed for to let her know that our Heavenly Father was there watching her and knew she was there and aware of her dreams and wishes.

I am a really rough stone. I have very difficult edges and sharp crevices. The challenges that are brought to my life are to polish those ugly and not needed things away. Heavenly Father is polishing me into something beautiful. He knows exactly the person that He wants me to be. He knows that potential and the abilities that I have. So He is putting trials and challenges in my life so that I can become that person. 

Heavenly Father is aware of each of us. When hard times come to us, it isn't because He turned His back or we aren't worthy of His love. It is the opposite. It is because He is watching so much more closely, watching for that hard edge to become a beautiful shine in the work of art He is creating. He is standing there with His arms open, waiting for us to turn to Him.

There is a saying in our church that God won't give us anything that we can't handle. While it does have some truth to it, it isn't fully true. He is trying to get us to progress and become better. So He is going to give us something just over that line that we can handle so that we can become that much better. 

The best part though is that He doesn't leave us to do it alone. He is there every step, every tear, every exasperated sigh, every crushing blow from the trial. He is there. Watching, standing there, holding out His hand to guide us through. It is up to us to turn to Him.

Recently, though, I came up with another reason as to why bad things happen to good people. This summer I had the AMAZING opportunity to work at this camp called Retreat For Girls. It is a camp where girls get a week to take a retreat from the world and work on themselves. They learn about their Heavenly Father, how to talk to Him, that He is there for them, and how to be the best example of Him in their lives. It is LDS faith based, but is open to any and all faiths. And coming from someone who got to see all of the inner workings, it is an amazing and inspired program. 

The director is one of the best people I have ever had the experience of being around. I am so grateful that I got to meet her and learn from her for those two weeks I worked for her. Her family goes through a lot of trials though. Tonight I just saw a post for something else to have come to her family. I am in awe at how well their family goes through it. Truly some of the best people. 

I was talking to my mom about it and it hit me. It hit me as to why their family has a lot of trials. Why my family has a lot of trials. Why people in my ward have a lot trials. It is the adversary working on us. Working trying hard for us to not reach that potential Heavenly Father sees in us. Working to prevent us from being able to accomplish the great work He has in store for us. 

Why doesn't Heavenly Father stop Him? Because it is a test. A test of strength and will to get through the hard times. When we came to this Earth, we knew it wasn't going to be easy and it would be full of tests. He wants to see us stick to what we believe in. He wants to see us stand strong throughout all difficult times. 

There is a quote that is in the Testing Center at BYU. It goes something like, be grateful for life's tests, because if you aren't being tested, you aren't worth testing. Something along those lines. Yes hard times suck. But you aren't going through them because you suck. Exact opposite. You're going through these hard times because you are awesome. And you are worth the tests of life.

We came to be tested. But we didn't come to be tested alone. Pray with all earnestness of heart. Ask for divine help and strength. And He will give it to you. You may think He didn't hear and answer you request, but I assure you He will and does. It isn't going to be big and flashy. It isn't going to jump out of the bushes and say "Here I am. Here is the strength you asked for." It isn't going to be pixie dust dumped on you. It is going to be exact to how you need. Just don't be too blind to see it.

Next time you have a bad day, ask yourself, "How did I get through it?" "How did I get the help I need?" I assure you the answer will be because the Lord gave me the strength I needed. 

He is there. Please, oh please, turn to Him and ask for His help. I have tried to go through hard times both ways. I assure you it is so much more bearable to go through with someone who knows where you have been, like Christ has, than by yourself.

D&C 50:45-46

Today I was finishing up my reading for my D&C class and I was caught by these last two verses of section 50:

"And the day cometh that you shall hear my voice and see me, and know that I am. Watch, therefore, that ye may be ready. Even so. Amen."

This is an event that I contemplate very often in my life. Like, most likely way more than it probably should.

Here is the reason why.

When I was in middle school I was extremely lost. I had a testimony, but I didn't know what to do about my beliefs. And I wasn't committed to them enough to act upon my beliefs. I struggled to find who I was and what I stood for.

The summer before I went into high school, I knew that I needed to change and start to really seek for the testimony that I knew that I should have and wanted to have. It wasn't until halfway through my freshman year, that this change finally stuck.

It was a night where I felt utterly alone. I finally turned to my Savior and said, I can't do this. I need a friend. I need someone here. And while he did send me the friend I needed (different story for a different day), I found another friend. Him.

He is there constantly for me. Giving me the strength that I can't seem to muster. He is there encouraging me with every step. He is there on my tests helping me to remember the knowledge that I had learned and studied. 

I seriously cannot wait for the day that I can see His face, hear His voice and finally be able to thank Him face to face and worship at His feet. I cannot wait to bathe His feet with my tears. I long to be able to physically feel His embrace, as well as the spiritual embrace that He gives me now.

So yes, this is a topic that is prevalent on my mind. And I am so glad that it is. Because as I think about this day and what I want to say to Him, mostly I want to be able to withstand His presence. The way to do that is to be righteous. Live to be the best person that I can be. Follow in His footsteps. Be an example of Him and His life. 

I need to watch and be ready. That means I can't slack off for a month and be like, well it definitely won't be this month it happens. It is a day to day, hour by hour, minute by minute constant work to be worthy of His presence. Yes, I screw up. I am the first to admit that I am far from perfect and have very far to go. But I am trying. And as long as I am trying and progressing, this day will be a happy one for the both of us.